Our Inspired Journey

Eternity is NOW.

2012-01-31T00:00:00.000-08:00

Sometimes when I'm in a whirlwind of a day, I forget.

I forget about the little eyes that are watching my every move.

I lose track of the little ears that pick up even my least intentional spoken thoughts.

I lose sight of the impact that my very presence has in the lives of my most impressionable audience.

And then, in all His grace...God gently reminds me of what my in-between moments mean to those He's placed in the front row seats of my life.

My little girl role plays with her dolls a scene I know we've rehearsed before.

Only this time, she's the mommy, and her favorite baby Jenny is her sweet little girl...

It goes something like this...

It's in those moments that all my senses suddenly awaken from the fog that the enemy tries so hard to convince me is reality...When I'm knee deep in laundry and dirty diapers, he tries to tell me..."This is as good as it gets for the mother of four young kids...tripping on toys, wiping bottoms and cooking meals with children strapped to your feet, crying that they don't like what you're making before it even makes it to the table. Have fun finding contentment in that."

Even as crafty as the enemy is, I serve a God who is GREATER.

Where the enemy wants me to fall into resentment, self-pity and depression, God has a called me to be GRATEFUL...and in my gratitude, find joy.

He tells me to find joy in laundry...for it means He's clothed us.

God reminds me that even washing dishes can become a holy time of praising Him... for He's fed us, again.

He smiles words of grace over me as I clean, reminding me that He's provided a roof over our heads...a place to be a family.

As we sit down to pay bills each month, we can look at what we don't have, or stand in awe of how perfectly He's giving us our daily bread.

Where the enemy tries to distract us with the chores around us...God breathes eternal purpose into our days through the lives He's created right there in our front row.

So I have a choice. I can live distracted by lifeless objects, or live with all senses awakened to the eternity sleeping in the next room wearing leopard PJs with baby Jenny tucked up under her arm. She's watching, he's listening. Can they tell what my heart beats loudest for by the way I spend most of my day?

There are moments I find myself acting or sounding just like my mom did when I was little. I repeat the same phrases, and even find the same things important that she always said were. Someday, my Cora may have a baby Jenny of her own. And someday, she may find herself acting and sounding just like her mom.

Lord, what do you want that to sound like? May I be all today, what you want for her to become tomorrow. Eternity is NOW.

Mindful Monday: The harsh truth and shocking hope.

2012-01-30T00:00:00.000-08:00

In the last two weeks, we've memorized four verses. Here's a little recap for those of you who need it, (if that's you I'm glad I'm not alone...I'm always in favor of a little recap!)

Week 1: Genesis 1:1 and John 1:1

Week 2: John 1:14 and John 3:16

The first four verses lay the foundation of all biblical truth. Now that those foundational truths are covered, the next five verses give us an outline for God's plan to save us all...which, (if you're anything like me), you desperately need!

Here are our next two for this week...

Romans 3:23

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God

Out of the twelve words in this verse, I think my favorite is the word all. There isn't a day I live that I don't feel the weight and burden of my sin in some way. The enemy loves it when, in our sin...we get stuck there. Stuck and even feel like we're sinking in the black water of our sin like the photo at the top. And all we can think, is "There's no way out of the mess I'm in." Then I read God's Word to me and remember that I'm not alone in my sin. ALL have sinned and no matter how much enemy would like us to think that the "girl, mom, kids or marriage-next-door" appear to have escaped the "sin" plague and actually have it all together...they don't. They can't. God said so. Everyone of us has fallen short of His glory...we all need hope.

That what I LOVE about my God! He NEVER leaves me alone. He never sees my mess and decides it's just been one too many times. He always makes a way.

Romans 6:23

For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

We deserve death, but God decided to give us a gift. One we wouldn't have ever known to write on a wish list, or entered the wildest thoughts of our imagination. If God had chosen to be a God only of justice and not of grace, life would end with our physical death. There would be no hope beyond this life, because our sin...greed, lust, idolatry, doubt, etc...qualifies us for death. I love that my creator loved me so deeply that He just had to make a way for me to be in eternal communion with him. When we thought we may drown in whatever sin weighs us down...even depression over our circumstances that seem completely overwhelming...God built a bridge, like the one pictured above. That, my friends...is true love.

Jesus is that gift. He made a way. He IS the bridge. The Bible says that if you believe that Jesus Christ is God's son, and that even though you deserve to die, you believe Jesus came to take your place...that you can and will be saved, born again into the family of God as a new creation! Not only do you get a fresh start, you get a fresh ending too. By trusting that Jesus is the perfect gift from God, sent to save you from your sin...you get to be in communion with the God both now on earth and forever. You can actually stare at the sin that so easily entangled you when you lived in your own strength, and say, "Because the Spirit of the mighty, LIVING God is in me...my sin is water under the bridge...the mighty bridge of Christ."

We'll talk more next Monday about the Roman Road, the scripture from Romans that helps us keep God's plan of salvation in the forefront of our minds. But for now, you have the first two paving stones on that road to commit to memory this week.

I'd love to hear what you're doing to help yourself memorize your scripture each week! Some of you have written e-mails, but if you would, I would love for you to begin sharing with each other. You are wonderful, have fabulous ideas, and everyone should know it and be blessed as I've been! :)

So there are two ways you can join the "chat"...leave comments below, or join our Facebook community...whichever you prefer, but do comment...

Let us know how God is speaking to your heart these days...

How is His Word strengthening your innermost being?

Any memorization tips to share?

There are lots of you out there. And I love that you are. Now I'm inviting you to meet each other. I look forward to hearing your heart stirrings this week...There's no such thing as a "perfect" thought...just honest ones.

I pray your week is one filled with His word...His truth...His spirit...and new beginnings. I need a fresh start...and Romans 3:23 tells me you do too. Fall on your face before Him today, accepting the freshness He offers in the new life he promises, even now.

Family Friday: A Princess Party

2012-01-27T00:43:00.000-08:00

My Princess turned 3, and asked for a royal party to celebrate...

So we sent the royal invites...

We made sure to ask her friends to wear their gowns to our "girls only" party since our palace isn't big enough for the whole royal family :)

We decorated the palace using books we had in our royal library, vases of wands, crowns and our banner with words from a verse found in Psalm 45:13...talking about how a princess is glorious when she is within Christ :)

Empty favor bags ready for the girl's finished crafts and a prize from a game we'd play...

Our "enchanted forest of memories" with pictures of our girl from her first "birth" day to now :)

We read "Gigi, God's Little Princess" and shared about how we are all princesses everyday we wake up since our Heavenly Father is the Mightiest of Kings! We also talked about how we can be glorious like Psalm 45:13 says...only when Christ is in us!

...Royal Treats...

"Castle" Peanut Butter and Jam Sandwiches

"Crown" and "High-Heel" Cheese slices with Crackers

(cookie cutters are wonderful!)

Fruit-Cups with grapes, strawberries and blueberries

White-chocolate dipped pretzels with pink sprinkles

Pink Lemonade

Cora's favorite...Dance Party!

Busy decorating Royal wands and crowns...

(tutorial below)

"Glass Slipper Hot Potato"

(even my princes joined in)

Cupcakes!

...Royal Gifts...

Prince Ryder read every card while Prince Cole helped collect the wrapping paper...

One of the beautiful handmade gifts

...Princess Clips...

(can you say the names of all these princesses?)

What a beautiful time to celebrate the blessing our Cora is to us, in a community of friends...

***

...Princess Wand and Crown Tutorial...

(descriptions under each photo)

Cut two stars per wand out of glittery stiffened felt

Cut three strands of ribbon, double the length of the wood dowel

I liked using different colors, widths and textures

Tie them in one knot at the top of each dowel

You can see this project was continued at night!

Cut a smaller star out of card stock or I used the back of a notepad
Use this as a stencil to trace and cut one small star for each wand...

Cut smaller stars out of different color felt (not stiffened but still sparkly!)
Using a glue gun, glue smaller stars in the center the larger ones
Next, glue the wood dowels to the other stars

Next, trace a line of glue with your glue gun along the inside perimeter of one of the stars,
as well as in the middle and hold together for a few seconds to let them set.

Lastly, I added the first letter of each girl's name to the other side,
then during the party, let the girls glue "jewels" on them with glitter glue!

Now for the Crowns...

Make another stencil out of card stock...or the back of a note pad :)
Fold it in half before you start, and with the folded side making the bottom of the crown, draw the top

Open and trace...

Glue felt crowns onto the bands near the band and at the top...
The girls decorated these with jewels and glitter glue too!

The best gift of the party...celebrating in a community of friends!
We love you Cora-bean!

Thoughtful Thursday...Ferris Bueller and the Christian Life

2012-01-26T06:46:00.000-08:00

On "Thoughtful Thursdays", you'll get a chance to hear "thoughts" from someone I love very dearly and have a great deal of respect for...

Today's "Thoughtful Thursday" is brought to you by someone I grew up alongside my entire life. Being two years older, apparently (as the story goes) I took great delight in being the older, "wiser" sister in our early years together. I still laugh to myself remembering some of the adventures we had together growing up, like performing for our family in the living room and recording our very own radio show together...I still have the cassette tape to prove it.

As the years have passed, I have grown to look up to my younger brother. The days when I "ran the show" are gone and now, I'm blessed to turn to him for wise council, often. I'm thankful you get to hear from him today. His past 4 years of study at Vanderbilt University, earning two Master's degrees including a Master's in Divinity) have equipped him to teach others more about how we can draw nearer to the heart of Christ. I pray your eyes are opened as you hear from him now...

***

Do you remember Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, the classicJohn Hughes’ film starring Matthew Broderick, about a plucky high school seniordetermined to live one day free from the stale routine of high school life? Suchis the movie’s iconic status, you probably know some of its classic scenes. Aningenious plan to cut school, which includes a far reaching (but false) rumorof Ferris’s serious illness and the creation of a crazy contraption designed toconceal his truancy from pesky adults? Well, that’s Ferris Bueller. The imageof three teenagers in a red Ferrari rushing headlong toward a city skyline tomeet their fate there? That’s Ferris Bueller, too. Matthew Broderick (FerrisBueller) spontaneously performing the Beatles’ Twist n’ Shout in a parade? Ferris Bueller again. Few movies are sointent on letting the good times role, or on converting its audience to thecause. “Life moves pretty fast.” Ferris preaches, “If you don’t stop to lookaround every once in a while, you could miss it.”

MaybeFerris is right: life is short. The Bible reminds us: “What is your life? It iseven a vapor that appears for a little time and then passes away” (James4:13-14) Fair enough, Ferris; itis important to take time to appreciate our lives. If we can’t find time, then maybeit is worth it to make some. Unfortunately, like so many promising lifephilosophies (i.e. the atkins diet or something), the devil is in the details.For one thing, who among us can afford to bounce from our ordinary lives insuch a dramatic fashion and expect to suffer no real consequences? After all,Ferris is just a high school kid – no one relies on him for anything. But askparents with young children, the employed, those with bills to pay, or basically anyone with a crumb of ordinaryresponsibility for others what would happen if he or she took anunannounced vacation from her life for just one day. They would tell you it’simpossible. Moreover, even if someone was willing to take such a risk, whatdifference would it make? What difference did make to Ferris? Did he receivecourage to face the same old routines? Inspiration to make new ones? Far fromgiving an answer, the movie seems to imply that once the day is over, it’s backto business as usual, time to reprise his ordinary life as though nothinghappened. Indeed, Ferris’ life philosophy, so resonant with our need for lifemore full than what the ordinary offers, seems unable to deliver on its promise.

Here’s the gist of my problem withthe movie: what is the point of going to such desperate lengths to “stop andlook around” if it makes no difference to the ordinary lives we have, the lifeknit together by routines that dull our sensitivity to the fullness of life?Nevertheless, the movie can hardly be blamed for failing to help us answer thisquestion. Life itself is the problem.Our ordinary lives, which often feel unsatisfying and pointless, are difficultto change for the better permanently. So many duties, customs and trivialitiespile up on us, claiming our time and resources, leaving so little forourselves. Kids, work, bills, errands- you name it. Responsibilities like thesedon’t just go away or expire like high school; more, commitment to one invitesa host of others to settle in, our routines multiply and eat up more time. Nowonder it’s difficult to stop and look around every once in a while.

If it is possible to livepassionately and experience life’s fullness like Ferris Bueller urges us, thenit is not escape from the ordinary,routinized life that we need but its redemption.We need to experience fullness and passion in the midst of the ordinary ratherthan rely exclusively upon extraordinary moments and experiences to remind usof what we are missing. The Bible tells us we need look no further than Jesus.Unlike Ferris Bueller, who achieves a kind of salvation by disentanglinghimself from the wash of mundane routines and responsibilities that stifle hispassion for life, the God of Israel, who enjoys absolutely free and eternallife, humbles himself to be born the human Jesus of Nazareth, a humiliationthat at once entangles Him in the ordinary and routinized fabric of human life(Phil 2:6-11). Though the Gospels do not give an exhaustive list of the kind ofthings God experienced as Jesus, it says enough to invite us to believe thatGod’s human experience was complete. He is born (Lk. 1:18-25); He hungers (Lk.4:2); He keeps friends (Jn. 11:36; 21: 20), He sorrows and is moved by thesuffering of others (Jn. 11:33-36); He suffers Himself (Mk. 15:16-32); He diesMk. 15:33-37). Yet, through it all, God remains Himself, that is, God. If these examples teach us thatJesus was fully human, the resurrection urges us to believe that fullness ofGod’s freedom and eternal life was His all along. Rather than succumb to death,He rose from it revealing Himself totally free from its power; and since free,thus eternal as well. Indeed, in all Jesus underwent He did so as theabsolutely free and eternally rich God. Why did God do this, why did He live ahuman life? The bible answers: to show how much He loves us and wishes to sharethe abundant riches of His eternal life with us. Jesus shares His inheritancewith us through giving us His Spirit, the same Spirit which raised Him from thedead (Rom 8:9). This is the Gospel of Jesus Christ and it is completelydifferent than the Gospel of Ferris Bueller.

Nothing God deemed worthy to savecan be held as worthless. Nothing God’s Spirit touches can be written off asvoid of life. The Spirit transforms the ordinary and elevates its dignity. To experience the passionate and full lifethe “Ferris Bueller” inside each of us craves, we must discover and accept God’s passion for us. Only then can weexperience the abundance of a fulllife which comes from His inexhaustibly rich Spirit. Jesus, again, is the keyto shifting our perspective, for he shows us what ordinary human life responsiveto and perfected by the freedom of the Spirit looks like. Indeed, He shows ushow to live eternally in a world pressed for time. To respond to the Spirit, wemust learn to live by the light of Jesus’ life.

How? Though Christians have answered this inmany ways, I want to propose one under used way: the Christian calendar. TheChristian Calendar maps the life of Jesus onto the ordinary calendar year, thusframing it in Jesus’ life. For example, it begins with the season of Advent(the Sunday between Nov 27 and Dec 3^rd), during which we join Maryand Elizabeth in eagerly anticipating the arrival of our Messiah, Jesus. Thisseason gives way to Christmas (which actually lasts for two weeks! – Dec 25-Jan 6th), when we celebrate the birth of our savior. Christmas in turn leads usto the season of Epiphany (Jan 6^th- the end of February), the timewe take time to see in the Gospels our Messiah in action. Epiphany gives way to the EasterSeason, and the Easter Season to Pentecost. We start over again at Advent. TheChristian calendar encourages us to bring the various rhythms of family, work,errands, billing cycles, and so forth into accord with the grounding rhythm ofJesus Christ’s life. It teaches us to trust our time pressed lives to Him andbelieve that He will repay our trust by giving us companionship and guidance inthe ordinary, filling it with meaning and purpose.

Ifthese reflections have resonated with you, Bobby Gross has written a weeklydevotional book designed to help Christians bring their lives in synch with theChristian calendar. It’s called Livingthe Christian Year: Time to Inhabit the Story of God. It has been the basisof these reflections. It’s a rarity of its kind: the devotions are beautifullywritten, theologically rich, and short! He packs more theological umph into afew sentences than I could shake out in this overly long blog. But mostimportantly, he is helping me see that even if life is as short as FerrisBueller thinks, there is time enough to experience its fullness in God.

***

Derek is a college grad thrice over, having earned a B.A. inbiblical studies at Azusa Pacific University, a Masters of Divinity atVanderbilt Divinity School, and a Master of Arts from the Graduate departmentof Religion at Vanderbilt University. He is now exceeding all expectations as aserver at a P.F Chang’s China Bistro in his town. When he is not servingchicken lettuce wraps or spilling beer on the dining room floor, he listens toLiverpool F.C. games on the internet and wonders when Andy Carroll with fulfillall his early promise as the solution to Liverpool’s striker problem. Sometimeshis friends join him, but more often they convince him to do something else,like talk theology, food and art over wasabi burgers at P.M. or a cup of coffeeat Bongo Java. He is always reading and writing and experiencing theology,hoping he can make a profession out of it someday,although he has a sneaking suspicion that he will have to try harder to enjoythe daydreams of visiting his family that interrupt his reading a little lessif he is to succeed.

Worshipful Wednesday...True HEALING.

2012-01-25T00:00:00.000-08:00

All week long, I've been pondering the idea of "healing." In my post from MONDAY I shared with you how, through Cole's journey...God has stretched me in the way I prayed for healing. I used to be afraid to pray for it, because I didn't want to have to deal with the disappointment if God chose, in His wisdom, to say...Not this time.

Since the time we learned of Cole's deafness, I've seen Him transform my cautious spirit into one who trusts fully in His way. It may not lead to healing in the eyes of the world, but in the eyes of the One who sees our hearts before our deaf ears, blind eyes or paralyzed bodies...to HIM, when we believe, we are healed. There is far greater value in our trusting Him to heal the hidden places a doctor may never be able to examine...His touch is like water to our thirsty souls.

Trading our sorrows for joy,
Our despair for assurance in HIM alone,
Our pain for His glory...

I can only imagine what it will be like when we get to walk with Him someday, fully ABLE. The amazing thing we MUST grasp for the rest of our days...is that the Kingdom of Heaven is now here...in Jesus...there is JOY to be had in the midst of our circumstance NOW.

I cannot think of a more beautiful example of God's love and healing for us then the video you are about to watch. Below you will meet a son and his father. When his son was born the father was asked if he wanted to put him into an institution because of his disabilities. The father said no. He wanted to raise the son in his home, as his own. When the son grew older, he asked his Dad if he would run a marathon with him. Not only did he say yes, but the father ran two marathons with his son and finally the Ironman Race - consisting of a 2.4-mile swim, a 112-mile bike ride and a marathon (26.219 mi) run, raced in that order and without a break.

The Father did it, all out of his love for his son. From the expression on his face, I would say the son knows the depth of God's healing in a more powerful way than most of us do today...

This is the kind of love God has for us. He loves us...oh, how He loves us...

Therefore do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day...

2 Corinthians 4:16

Just because, HE said so.

2012-01-24T00:39:00.000-08:00

Sometimes we make a choice to walk down a certain path because it makes perfect sense. We've made our pro/con list and everything lines up. There's a clear way to go. We've "figured it out."

Other times we turn down a path, just because we hear God tell us to. Just because "He said so." The answers aren't all there and our mental pro and con list looks about even. It really is a toss up according to what we know. These are some of the most nerve-wrecking times for me, but some of the sweetest... because it is here when I have to lean on His wisdom and listen attentively to His voice above the argument going on in my own head as I toss around worldly wisdom...

2 Corinthians 12:9 tells us that HIS power is made perfect in our weakness. In the times we find ourselves the most physically, emotionally, and mentally weak, we can find HOPE and actually find ourselves in the arms of the ONE who promises to plant HIS strength right in the middle of the times we feel most ill-equipped to handle what's ahead.

And sometimes...out of those confusing, unclear, "it's a toss up" sort of moments when we really don't know which way to turn...the very best result surfaces from our "undone-ness." We find ourselves on our faces before the One who knows the way, and find He opens doors that never made our pro/con list at all. And what may have looked like a "foolish" choice before, rises to the top to become HIS choice for you, for his GLORY and for the furthering of His KINGDOM on this earth...

Like moving out of state and away from family with your two boys and sweet baby girl on the way so you can live on a graduate assistant salary while your husband spend his days studying for his doctorate...
But God said GO.
But, Lord, it doesn't make any sense!
And still He whispered, I see the whole picture...trust me with this part. There are things about your boy you still don't know. There is healing for him on the other side of your obedience...

Just today, our pediatrician (the same one who told us to have Cole's hearing tested before we left for Illinois...) told me how amazing it was that Cole received his CI's so quickly...how that never would've happened if we were to have stayed...

We don't understand your way, Lord...but we trust You.

1 Corinthians 1:27

But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to shame the things which are strong.

So when I come to a fork in the road, and really, absolutely don't know what to do...I know what GOD wants me to do. Fall on my face, with my heart outstretched, and roll out the scroll of my life's plans once again, asking HIM to take rightful place as editor-in-chief of that which was never mine to begin with.

May God bless you and draw near to you as you seek HIS way for your steps, opening your eyes and heart to the way less-traveled, for HIS fame and for HIS glory and so you can experience the deep joy it is to walk in full devotion to the One who wrote your story...Amen.

Mindful Monday...God HEALS in mysterious ways...

2012-01-23T00:00:00.000-08:00

After writing THIS post on depression, I heard from many of you. Some of you wrote about your own story...Others of you spoke of someone you love who also struggles. Thank you. Thank you for being brave enough to close the gap the enemy tries so hard to create between those of us who feel so alone sometimes in our struggle. I'm deeply grateful for your courage and willingness to share with me. God is good and He spoke to me through your stories.

Something I heard from a few of you was too important to hear once and move on from. Your thoughts surrounded a quote I included from Dr. Martin Seligman of the University of Pennsylvania... "Depression...is caused by conscious negative thoughts. There is no deep underlying disorder to be rooted out: not unresolved childhood conflicts, not our unconscious anger, and not even our brain chemistry. Emotion comes directly from what we think: Think 'I am in danger' and you feel anxiety. Think 'I am being trespassed against' and you feel anger. Think 'Loss' and you feel sadness...if we change these habits of thought, we will cure depression."

I don't believe this applies to everyone...you may have a different story.

There are some of you who have found FREEDOM from clinical depression in the form of medication prescribed to you by a doctor because of a chemical imbalance you suffer with. I want you to know how deeply grateful I am for you that GOD has provided a way out of the darkness.

I remember the day Cole had his first hearing test. We had just arrived in Illinois weeks before...strangers in a new land, and following the recommendation of our California pediatrician...we took him in to test his hearing as soon as we arrived. I remember sitting behind his sweet little head in the chair. We sat in the booth...trying to keep the ear phones in his tiny ears. With each sound the audiologist sent through the wires, we searched for a response. Any sign at all that he could hear...anything. As time passed, the sounds sent through the wires got louder and louder...He just kept playing with the toys on his tray, unaffected by the noise around him...

While still in the booth, I remember having visions of John standing over his crib as he slept, wondering if our sweet son could hear our singing. I always sang to him. Every night. I had convinced myself he was soothed by the sound of my voice....he had to be...every baby was. Then one day, John took a pot and pan into his room, and while Cole slept peacefully in his crib, he tried to do what any mom would tell you is like cardinal sin #1...he tried to wake our sleeping baby. I remember standing outside the door...I couldn't watch. I just listened as John made more noise than all of us could combined right overhead of our sleeping boy. He didn't budge...

As our first hearing test came to an end, I remember our audiologist looking up at me through the window. She stood up, opened the door and asked us to go see an ENT (ear, nose, throat doctor) down the hall to make sure there were no blockages of any kind. I could tell in her eyes that she knew more, though. We both knew. Over the course of several more tests, including one where he was sedated and his brain's response to sound was tested...it was determined that our 13 month old son was profoundly deaf. This meant that Cole couldn't hear anything quieter that the sound of jet engine.

In the weeks and months following his diagnosis, I remember trying to grasp at what God wanted this to look like...was I supposed to pray for healing? I read stories in my Bible of Jesus healing the sick...restoring sight to the blind and opening the ears of the deaf. I knew I loved Him and believed in His power, but did I actually believe God could heal MY boy? Now? I believed He could, but I was scared. Scared to pray something that He may, in His sovereignty answer...no. Instead of asking for my will, I petitioned God for HIS will to be done. Through the hours of crying out to God for help, He reminded me that He had a plan for Cole. He had never left him or forsaken Him, but that Cole's story that had been written before the foundations of the earth had been laid, was just now unfolding, and it would bring Him glory...

I've learned to praise God for His mysterious ways...to trust him when His plan looks different than mine. God made a way for Cole to hear. He didn't unstop his natural ears, but I believe God gave man the ingenious idea for cochlear implants years ago so that boys like mine could hear. And His healing in the form of these devices, places a beautiful spotlight on my boy, and a platform from the stage of heaven to draw others toward a God who loves them. He loves us...oh how He loves us. Deaf ears, blind eyes, paralyzed legs and all...no matter what we wake up to each morning, God wants us to use our weakness to display HIS strength...

The healing you're praying for may come in "earthly wrapping," but regardless of how HE does it...HE gets all the glory. If your clinical depression has been helped through medication, then praise God for making a way for YOU!

The sight of Cole's devices may turn a few heads, but every conversation struck up at a park because of his "special ears" reminds me that God uses the disabled to show the rest of us a thing or two about His character. I consider them, the main characters of His story! We have a lot to learn from those who live with a disability. The world looks at the outer appearance, but God looks at the heart. I know Cole has given me a reason to write, and have the courage to tell my own story too.

***

Now let's tend to the gardens of our souls, with his WORD...a place no device or medication can touch...

Isaiah 58:11

And the Lord will continually guide you,

And satisfy your desire in scorched places,

And give strength to your bones;

And you will be like a watered garden,

And like a spring of water whose waters do not fail

Learn more about Mindful Monday HERE

We're memorizing 100 verses in 2012! Join us!

Verses #3 and #4 to memorize for the week of January 23rd...

John 1:14

The Word became flesh and took up residence among us. We observed His glory, the glory as the One and Only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth.

John 3:16

For God loved the world in this way: He gave His One and Only Son, so that everyone who believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life.

Family FUN Friday...ABC Crayons

2012-01-20T00:13:00.000-08:00

If you've been reading all week, you'll notice I've decided to name each day... Friday will be Family FUN Friday...a day when I post something FUN we did as a family that week...it may be a craft or activity we tried and liked...maybe a game we played together...book we read...or outing we took. Whatever it is, Fridays will be about focused on spending time as a Family! Hopefully, posting on Fridays means you may have a new idea to try over the weekend with your kids :) This weekend we'll be celebrating Cora's 3rd birthday, "princess" style, so you in for a treat NEXT Friday!

I've found I need to be intentional in spending focused time with my kids or the chores and errands rob my "well intended" day away...so the intention here is the Quality Time spent together...not that I have a finished, polished product to post on Pinterest :) The Martha in me has to be reminded of that! My kids care more about their fingerprints being all over our time together than everything looking like it just came out of a Pottery Barn magazine. I encourage you to seek out the presence of God always...especially in messy crafts, because a Martha like me needs to remember the fruit of the day is hiding in these moments...choose to sit at His feet with your kids today...

So in that spirit...let's make some ABC Crayons!

My boys couldn't wait to peel off all the paper...

Cora chose to color instead...

Doesn't God have to peel back layers of US too sometimes?

Looks like a healthy church to me...a group of people allowing God to peel back the layers of labels, to the core of who they are...together.

Sometimes He may even want to change our shape completely...

The process can be painful...

But God never starts a process without a divine goal, and eternal purpose...

There is often so much at work in us that we cannot see...

But, He's so wise in knowing exactly what shape He wants us to take...

So purposeful in His direction for us...

There are often many more people being peeled back, cut to pieces and redirected all around us, that we may never know about....unless we share our story with them...

Bake at 230 degrees for 15+ minutes

It may be a messy story...but some of the most life-changing, inspiring testimonies are just that...messy.

Someone else may need to hear your messy story to know that they don't need to fear the process of transformation...because it's only through this refining process we can be used for the glory of the One who made us...and them.

And if we all walk around polished and put together, how will they ever know how we got there?

Besides, if you look real close, you'll notice none of them is perfect...we never are while here on earth...but those engaged in the process are choosing to be transformed into the image of the One who loved so much.

Rough edges, broken limbs and all. After all...a Broken Hallelujah is a beautiful song, all of us have the chance to sing...and we are never closer to the Mighty, Saving One when we do.

Phillipians 1:6

For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.

Thoughtful Thursday...Stewardship

2012-01-19T01:00:00.000-08:00

Thursdays will now be called, Thoughtful Thursdays around here! I'm going to give you chance to hear thoughts from someone else in my family. I can't tell you how excited I am about this. Believe it or not, our family doesn't get a lot of "sitting around and chatting time" since John and I added four kids to the mix, so this is as much of a treat for me as it is for you...

Today's Guest Post is by my Dad...

(better known around here as "Gramps")

Forty Years, Lesson by Lesson
Lesson One - Stewardship

I was in high school when God softened my heart, revealed Himself and said “followme”. I was encouraged to learn ofthe special plan He had for my life, that unique journey with a fulfillingpurpose especially for me. Herequired that I humble myself before Him and yield my will to His. He promised that if I remain faithfulas I encounter hardships, challenges and opportunities along the way, He wouldnot let loose of my hand. Over thenearly forty years of my journey with Him, I clearly recognize those periodswhen I let go of His hand and was on my own. When the mess became more than I could clean up, I wouldreach for His hand once more and feel Him take hold with a firm grip, ready tocontinue our journey together.

I was an adolescent when my journey with God began, filled with faith andenthusiasm for what lie ahead. Anxious to please God, I endeavored to know all I could about Him. My heart was open and receptive,allowing those early lessons to entrench deep within. As most adolescent do, I took everything for granted andappreciated nothing. Family,friends, my home, school, resources, everything was in place and life wasgood. God quickly caused me toappreciate that my life and everything apart of it were His gifts. I learnedthat when God thought me into existence, he had a purpose. The body I was equipped with, my mind, myevery capability, my place in time, my place in this world, the people aroundme, everything resulted from His intention. I could take credit for nothing forall had been His gift to me. Hetaught me to take inventory of all these gifts and be grateful. His first lessons for me would be aboutstewardship.

I find many in God’s family think of stewardship as applying to possessionsor financial resources, but His call of responsibility extends beyond suchthings. Stewardship applies to allof God’s gifts to us and requires our effort to care for and use these gifts asHe intends. I have alwaysremembered the admonition of an old, retired reverend who attended the churchof my youth. He was accomplished, highlyrespected and warmly received by all who knew him. Dignified and cheerful, he dressed smartly, had a beamingsmile and twinkling eye. On one occasion,he was part of a group discussion focused on the use of God’s gifts. As was his custom, he listened quietlyas the group piously drowned on in agreement. As if impatient with to much good intention, he finally askedto speak.

“May I offer a lesson I havelearned?’ he began. After beingencouraged to do so he continued: “God has taught me to appreciate all that Hehas given me. As I have stoodbefore the Lord these many days, I have endeavored to stand fully prepared toanswer His call. This takes mybest effort every day. My body isnot maintenance-free nor will my faith grow without constant use. It is my efforts to appreciate, use andsustain His gifts that honor and please the Lord my God. Your discussion is admirable but whoamong you will make the efforts you speak of.”

The reverend’s words have remained with me to this day. His life was a testimony to the effortshe spoke of and was imploring us to make. I envisioned how pleased God must have been to have a servant sodetermined to be ready and willing. In the book of Matthew,Jesus used strong words to declare how important these efforts are. If you are familiar with this passage,please read it again, but this time, please read it slowly.

Matthew 25
Parable of the Talents

¹⁴ “For it is just likea man about to go on a journey, who called his own slaves and entrustedhis possessions to them. ¹⁵ To one he gave five talents, to another,two, and to another, one, each according to his own ability; and he went on hisjourney. ¹⁶ Immediately the one who had received the five talentswent and traded with them, and gained five more talents. ¹⁷ In thesame manner the one who had received the two talents gained twomore. ¹⁸ But he who received the one talent went away, anddug a hole in the ground and hid his master’s money.

   ¹⁹ “Now after a long time the master of thoseslaves came and settled accounts with them. ²⁰ The one who hadreceived the five talents came up and brought five more talents, saying,‘Master, you entrusted five talents to me. See, I have gained five moretalents.’ ²¹ His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithfulslave. You were faithful with a few things, I will put you in charge of manythings; enter into the joy of your master.’
   ²² “Also the one who had received thetwo talents came up and said, ‘Master, you entrusted two talents to me. See, Ihave gained two more talents.’ ²³ His master said to him, ‘Welldone, good and faithful slave. You were faithful with a few things, I will putyou in charge of many things; enter into the joy of your master.’
   ²⁴ “And the one also who had received the onetalent came up and said, ‘Master, I knew you to be a hard man, reaping whereyou did not sow and gathering where you scattered no seed. ²⁵And I was afraid, and went away and hid your talent in the ground. See, youhave what is yours.’
   ²⁶ “But his master answered and said to him,‘You wicked, lazy slave, you knew that I reap where I did not sow and gatherwhere I scattered no seed. ²⁷ Then you ought to have put mymoney ^[^d^]in the bank, and on myarrival I would have received my money back with interest. ²⁸Therefore take away the talent from him, and give it to the one who has the tentalents.’
   ²⁹ “For to everyone who has, more shallbe given, and he will have an abundance; but from the one who does not have,even what he does have shall be taken away. ³⁰ Throw out theworthless slave into the outer darkness; in that place there will be weepingand gnashing of teeth.

The parable refers to a talent as symbolic of the physical, material andspiritual resources God has entrusted to those that follow Him. In verse 15,Jesus teaches that resources are distributed according to the recipient’s abilities. God has made us and is certainly awareof any illness or injury that has changed us. It is not the strongest or most intellectual who isconsidered able. Rather, abilityis measured by the efforts we make with what we have. We should not be surprised to learn that those in theparable entrusted with more, were faithful. God knows His servants. He knew those entrusted with more were ready and willing todo more. He also knew that theperson to whom he allotted fewer resources was not ready or prepared to handleanymore than they received. Goddeclares resoundingly that those willing to make the effort stewardshiprequires are entrusted with even more resources. Lazy and wicked is how God describesthose whose gifts lie buried and dormant.

As I begin this New Year, my hope is that more followers will answer thecall of stewardship. If physicalgifts remain buried, make the effort to get fit. If spiritual gifts are idle, make the effort to put them inmotion. Use material resources to honor the bearer of these gifts. Imaginehow different life is for the servant with 5 talents in contrast to the servantwith just one. Entrusted with agenerous portion of God’s resources to manage, life is full, purposeful andrewarding. It is the effort to make the most of what we have that earns more ofGod’s trust and transforms a follower into a 5 talent servant.

I submit that there is no greater reward in this life than to hear thewords;
“Well done, good and faithful slave. You were faithful with a few things, Iwill put you in charge of many things; enter into the joy of your master.’

****

My Dad is a Financial Services Professional, Bible Study teacher, photographer (he's taken a lot of the photos you see on this blog), husband to my mom, father of two wonderful children (wink, wink) and grandfather to four of the most adorable grandchildren you'll ever meet (okay, I'll stop now) You'll hear more of his story next month! Thanks for sharing, Dad!

Worshipful Wednesday...You are FOR me.

2012-01-18T00:20:00.003-08:00

Wednesday can be a rough time of the week for many of us...every Wednesday morning that we lift our head from our pillow, we find ourselves right smack dab in the middle of our week. I'm not sure what kind of week you're finding yourself in the middle of today, but regardless of our circumstance, let's remember that the God of creation isn't bound by the stereotypes we hold about our calendar days! He is worthy to be praised on Wednesday as much as He is on a Sunday morning...and that's exactly what I intend to do.

Each Wednesday here on Our Inspired Journey, will now be known as Worshipful Wednesday. Wednesdays will be a day when I'll post something specifically intended to draw us all nearer to the heart of God...No one can make you worship. Someone can ask you to read a scripture, help someone in need or even sing a song, but only you can allow the Spirit of the Living God to show Himself to you in a fresh way, and choose to respond in adoration of the only One who is worthy of it.

This is a song that has been running through my head lately...and I'm so thankful it is. I hope it says for a while. Lately we've been focusing on fixing our eyes, mind and heart on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith...I've talked about depression...Cole's anger over deafness...and the response I believe Jesus has for us in it all...being devoted to commit His Word to memory and to sit at His feet to hear from His life-giving voice. Being in the presence of God is my favorite place, because it reminds me I belong elsewhere...but while I'm still here, the voice of Holy Spirit whispering to my heart straight from His, makes heaven feel very close.

May you be blessed as you are reminded that the God of the Bible, who parted the Red Sea for the Israelites is FOR you...today. And for those of you looking for an artist whose been INSPIRED to write songs of truth, freedom and hope, here's one for you to add to the list...God has worked mightily through her to me...

Romans 8:31

What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who is against us?

What a way to live a Wednesday! Thank you, Lord for another day...you are worthy of our most honest praise!

It's not FAIR!

2012-01-17T01:02:00.001-08:00

I was about to go to sleep tonight, and remembered something I didn't want to forget...so that means I'm going to share it with you so that we can all learn a bit from my Cole...

If you're new to our journey, I want to say...thank you. Thank you for journeying with us...for making space in your day to check on how God is stirring in our family in a particular moment. If you've just recently joined us and haven't been properly introduced to my family yet, forgive me. You'll get a formal introduction soon...but for now, I want you to meet Cole.

Cole is 4, likes dinosaurs and running (or really, moving as fast as he possibly can at all times on foot, bicycle or by motor vehicle), loves playing make-believe with his older brother or younger sister...sometimes at the same time, and giving his baby sister as many kisses as she can handle.

Cole was also born deaf. Since he was 18 months old, he's worn cochlear implants (CI's) and although he doesn't hear what you and I hear, his brain is interpreting the input from his implants in a way that he does 'hear', (to the glory of God for giving man the idea for such a unique and miraculous kind of device!)

Since the time he received his implants, Cole has mostly been fine with wearing them all waking hours. Especially now that he's older and able to carry on amazing conversations and hilarious laugh fests with his older brother, Cole wakes up in the morning, ready and waiting for his CI's. He usually puts them right on and is off to enjoy what the day has to offer...

On Friday, we picked Ryder up from Kindergarten, and jumped in the car. I was telling the kids that we had to go meet Daddy at work so that he could take the other 3 kids back home while Cole and I went to speech therapy. Cochlear implants have given Cole the chance to be a part of the hearing world and he loves that, but anytime his CI's keep him from doing what everyone else is doing...he is not a happy boy.

We had one of those moments that day in the car. Once he found out we would be leaving the family (and any fun they'd be having) so he could go to speech therapy, he immediately turned sour and said the following things I don't want to forget...

"Awww, mom! Why do I have to go to speech and they don't! At Ryder's school, I don't see any 5 year olds with cochlear implants! When I'm 5, I'm not wearing my implants anymore! It's not fair! Why do I have to wear implants and none of you do?" and with crossed arms, cliched fists and head down, he sat in his car seat, having made his peace with the world...

I was driving and taking in as much as the rear-view mirror could give me of my boy's heart from the front steering wheel, all the way to his car seat in the 3rd row. I just wanted to hold him in my arms, rock back and forth and say, "I know sweetheart...I know...It's not fair. None of it is," but I couldn't. I was driving to speech therapy...the responsible thing to do, when all I really wanted was to take it all in...every tear, every thought, both crossed little arms and tightly cliched fists. I wanted to absorb his pain with my compassion, my presence, my love for him.

But I learned a long time ago, that I will never be enough for my boy. Oh, I'll love him with every fiber of my being and petition the God who made Him to be enough for Him again each day, but God taught me long ago that the most dangerous place a mother can rest is right in between her child and His maker. No...I'll never be enough, and I'm not even going to try...but I'll do everything I possibly can to show him who IS.

While Cole was sitting...arms folded and head down after sharing the rough places of his heart...the word that resonated with me was...WHY?

"Because God made you very special, Cole," I practically shouted to be heard from the front seat. "Some people need wheelchairs to walk, some need glasses to see...everybody needs help with something!"

Then something happened that was beautiful and can only be described as God-INSPIRED...

Ryder chimed in, "Yeah Cole...like the kids at my school who use walkers to walk, or wheelchairs...there are a lot of people who need to use things to help them! Or like the place Gramma works where Joni Eareckson Tada is. She can't move her arms or legs and needs a wheelchair too...."

And as his brother spoke to him, the veil of frustration was lifted from my boys face...if his brother said it would be okay, than it would. And with a deep breath and a look out the window...Cole must've decided to put his discontented spirit to rest...for now.

What a beautiful thing it is to be honest before the Lord and man and say..."It's not fair!!! I'm mad!!!" God's given us all a story...and I think at the root of that story, is a bit of that same sentiment.

Thankfully, instead of walking away from us, God gently agrees and offers us the most unfair offer in the history of the world.

His life in place of ours.

What do you do with that kind of grace?

The next two posts will talk about precisely that...

Until then, would you help me thank my boy for sharing his heart with us today? If you'd be so gracious (and I hope you will!) help me start a journal of thoughts from others about how his journey has impacted others. I've told him that God has big plans for him...and I realize that most of the time, we never realize the reach of that impact...that's a good thing. But in this case, if you'd like me to pass a message on to him someday, from you...now is your chance. To God be the glory.

Mindful Mondays...it starts now.

2012-01-16T00:23:00.002-08:00

I'm sitting here in my parent's house, right before the clock strikes twelve...the house is dark and quiet, my kids are sound asleep, I sit here alone, and my heart is full. It was a good day. The kind of day I arrive at the end of and thank God He let me live.

I'm thankful for Him leading us back to California where I can take the kids to Gramma and Gramps house for the day without paying for a plane ticket :)
I'm thankful for turkey sandwiches, pink tricycles and bike rides to the park.
I'm thankful for little boys wrapped up in Gramma's arms, watching Chitty Chitty Bang Bang under handmade quilts.
I'm thankful for short rain showers, cool air and green grass in the middle of "winter"
and for a little girl who loves toddling around while holding onto my hand...

The week has just begun and I'm bursting out of my seams with excitement over what is in store for Mondays this year...Every Monday I'll be posting two verses for us to memorize together. By the end of the year, we will have memorized 100 verses that Robert J. Morgan has included in his book 100 Bible Verses: everyone should know by heart. Are there probably 100 other verses that we could learn as well? Yes...maybe that will be our quest next year (I love to plan ahead!) but let's focus on the year at hand! If you'd like to get the book to read along throughout the year, I'd recommend it. In it, Morgan expounds on each verse and it's significance in the midst of the biblical picture as well as the benefit the words we're learning can have on our mind and heart. As you remember from THIS post, it is essential to me this year, to make scripture memory a priority. My mind needs to be clothed in the truth of God's Word because of the way it helps me understand the very nature of the One I worship in a deeper way. When my mind is filled with thoughts of HIS thoughts, the life-giving mind of Christ fills me to overflowing before other more meaningless, unproductive thoughts can compete for their place...

So if you need a Mind Makeover this year...you've come to the right place! The Word of God. It's living and active, sharper than a double-edged sword and useful for building us UP for the things God intends for us this year. There isn't a person in the world who isn't in need of scripture. So...enough of my words...time for the Word of God!

Verses for Jan 16th...

Genesis 1:1

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth.

John 1:1

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.

Both these verses take us to the beginning...to our roots. Believing they are true, greatly affect the way we live life and read the scriptures. God began it all...our lives and this earth were His idea and His design. He did not, and cannot make mistakes. We started in HIM and continue to live by His leading and inspiration! The Word is our God. Committing scripture to memory actually plugs our mind into the voice we're designed to be the most familiar with.

Believe it,
Think it,
Say it,
Write it,
Memorize it
Live it.

Why?
For who has known the mind of the Lord that He will instruct him? We have the mind of Christ.
1 Corinthians 2:16

Because the Holy Spirit speaks and reveals to us who have trusted Jesus as our Savior...we actually have been given the mind of Christ...what will you do with that GIFT this year? Will you join us in being Mindful of His Word each Monday, committing His words to scripture so we can learn to have the mind of Christ throughout our days this year? I hope so...We don't know what waits around the corner tomorrow, but we can be certain that the God who made us, knows and gives us His Word to be ready for whatever it is...will you join us?

A profitable pause...

2012-01-14T23:45:00.000-08:00

It really was a beautiful day today. John was off judging the Spotlight Awards for the Music Center of Los Angeles, and I was left with my fabulous four and a blank slate of a day. It really was such a gift. No, everything did not go smoothly, it was not a tear-less, perfectly planned or without its fair share of squabbles, but a gift none-the-less, given to me by the one who SPOKE...and there was light. I knew that from the moment I opened my eyes, God had something for us today. If not, why would He wake us up?

As I counted the little bodies that slowly made their way into our bed and under the covers this morning, I smiled when we were all accounted for, all 6 of us cozy and SNUG under our queen sized sheets and I knew, with each little fuzzy head that slowly joined...God was setting the stage for another day worth living.

I'm learning to be more like Mary. I'm wired MUCH more like Martha...comfortable with my to-do list in my hand and finding every check mark incredibly satisfying, and another ingredient to deeming my day "successful" when the sun sets. That comes very naturally to me. And then, God...in His perfect wisdom...gave me four squirrely kids and a husband who knows who to find JOY in each moment. For John, check-lists are there, but they are not his master. He doesn't loose sleep over an unchecked item, but instead can smile from ear to ear recounting something "unexpected" that happened that day...hearing his stories always makes me fall deeper in love with the man who reminds me with his steadfast JOY, that keeping my head in lists will keep me from experiencing the moments that take me to the feet of Jesus.

Mary was good at that. Oh sure there were plenty of things that needed tending to...and there always will be. The reality of life is that clothes get dirty, dishes need washing and toys need organizing and in my house, someone is always moving up to the next size of clothing! It will keep happening, and we will keep dealing with it all as we need to...the trouble is when all that becomes our focus. It can easily become that with six under our roof...John and I realized the other day that unless the washing machine is running, we are behind with the laundry. Isn't that crazy! "Housework" could easily become our master around here and define our days either "successful" or not based on how much of it is still laying around at the end of the day...

What does Jesus say about where our gaze should be...

Luke 10
³⁸ Now as they were traveling along, He entered a village; and a woman named Martha welcomed Him into her home. ³⁹ She had a sister called Mary, who was seated at the Lord’s feet, listening to His word.

That's why I'm so fascinated with Mary these days. With all the craziness circling around her...she sat and the bible says she listened to Jesus. That word listened can be translated "to hear; to learn by hearing; to obey one in authority."

⁴⁰ But Martha was distracted with all her preparations...

Martha on the other hand...was distracted...translated "to drag all around." Do you ever feel like you're so distracted by all you think you have to do that you actually feel your spirit "dragging." I can definitely relate. Preparations meant "Service directed toward a master or guest..." I was eager to look up this word since I wanted to hear about what she was doing! Sounds a lot like laundry, dishes and cooking...much of which I am very familiar :)

...and she came up to Him and said, “Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to do all the serving alone? Then tell her to help me.” ⁴¹ But the Lord answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; ⁴² but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her.”

Martha knew the things she was busy with were necessary for everyone to be comfortable...she was busy doing things FOR Jesus, but when He spoke, He only spoke of her worried and bothered spirit. On the other hand...Mary was said to have chosen what was good...meaning "profitable."

I want to be known as a daughter, wife, mother and friend who chooses what is "profitable" most often. Yes, I'll continue doing laundry and I'm not suggesting we go on strike from doing any dishes, but when I choose the things that will benefit my family MOST (like playing the game I promised I'd play three chores ago), over things that being done will ease my worried and bothered spirit (like having to deep clean the kitchen immediately after every meal)...we ALL receive more "profit" there. Dishes won't remember me saying "just one minute..." but my kids will.

Choosing what is BEST over what is good. The good can wait, but choosing God's BEST, now, benefits us all. I've also learned from visits to many different households, that choosing to let the dishes wait so that conversation can happen after dinner often means that dishes become a communal event later! In our house we're starting to teach our boys (who are 6 and 4) how to load the dishwasher and put away their clean laundry so that accomplishing those tasks can be a time for our family to grow together as well...our kids learn to contribute and we keep the laughter and conversation flowing as we serve together.

In fact that's kind of how I picture my life with Jesus...my heavenly Father near me, teaching me at all times...in the quiet of the morning from His Word, in the middle of walks to the park when I'm enamored with His creation, in the midst of temper-tantrums when I learn again to be patient...my days are not separated into categories of divine and secular...He never leaves me or forsakes me so every moment I draw breath is divine. My prayer is that I am mindful of that always, not allowing the enemy to distract me and turn what God intended to be "profitable"into "worried and bothered" all while I'm trying to do what I think is good.

For me, sitting at the feet of Jesus means, committing to mornings dwelling in the presence of the Most High, giving the priority of my moments to the dear ones He gave me, and listening to the still small voice of the One who loves His Bride (the church) calling us to GO and love, as Jesus did.

The photograph at the top of this post represents to me, that kind of journey. My Dad took this photo (who we'll hear from next week as a guest author) and it reminds me so much of journeying with Jesus, unhurried, toward all He has for those who follow--so much of which, is unknown--yet if journeyed with Him for eternal purposes, always beautiful and filled with purpose.

Lord, quiet our hurried days, allowing us to be aware of the life-giving, perspective-shifting presence of your Holy Spirit always. We want to dwell in the shadow of the ALMIGHTY God and grow to KNOW you, not just complete tasks 'for' you. Draw us away from all that distracts us from our single highest, most "profitable" call...to sit at your feet, listen and obey.

HOPE in the darkness...

2012-01-12T01:34:00.000-08:00

I was chatting with a fellow blogging friend today about how refreshing it is when bloggers (and people for that matter) "keep it real."

Amidst the times we want to remember and record are also times we'd rather not write about, and actually hope to forget...things that make us squirm in our chair while telling our closest friends rather than wanting them broadcast to the whole world. Since I started writing this blog 3.5 years ago...one of the things I've marveled at is the way God has used my brokenness in beautiful ways for His glory.

It may not be as shocking to you, but it is still fascinating to me. While in Illinois, whenever I wrote candidly about a "foggy time" I was experiencing...you know, the kind of day like this one when nothing seems to go right no matter how hard you try...I'd always receive more response from those posts, than after sharing the memories I'd gladly frame on the wall as perfect snapshots of days gone by.
We all need to know we're not alone in our struggles.

So here I am again, needing to share with you about a broken place. Not really because I even want to, but because I believe HE wants me to...because by keeping it hidden, I give the enemy a foothold in my life and in the life of someone who needs to hear that if this is their struggle too...they are not alone, and there is HOPE beyond it.

As I look back over the course of my life, there are marked times I can remember when I struggled to see out of a darkness that seemed to fold in around me...this darkness would tuck me up so tightly that there were times I lost all desire for the truth I knew made up the fabric of my being. I'm talking about depression. Just writing the word makes my Spirit stand at attention and prepare for battle, because we both know what an ugly road it's taken us down a season or two. Regardless of your circumstance or reason, if you've experienced it, you know that depression is a very powerful tool of the enemy to try and isolate us from people and everything life-giving and TRUE about our God.

I know those who have dealt with it, have a variety of testimonies about the "cause." I have to be very intentional in saying that I am NOT a doctor (shocker) nor have I ever visited one for this reason, not to say you shouldn't...that's just my story. I'm just a girl who feels called to share my journey through my darkness so that you can know the author of my "treatment plan."

A few months ago, these seasons of darkness started to show up again after about a year long hiatus. Ugly, dark and very isolating. You need to hear this...regardless of what doctors may say is the cause, (because I could think of a few physiological reasons for mine at the time...) This is a list of LIES the enemy wants you to believe:

LIES...
1. There is something wrong with you.
2. You are alone.
3. You should be embarrassed...you are the only one who struggles.
4. No one else will understand, so keep it a secret.
5. No one really cares about you anyway.
6. You would be a burden to others if they knew.

The reason I know the enemy says these things to those of us struggling with depression because of difficult circumstances we are dealing with or because of physiological imbalances...is because he's said them to me. When I shared with a few close friends a few months back, I was amazed at the way they responded...many of them were feeling similar feelings, and also felt alone in their struggles. It was only after sharing with each other, we began to realize the TRUTH!

TRUTH IN CHRIST...
1. There is HOPE for you.
2. You are NOT alone.
3. You have nothing to be embarrassed of...you are NOT the only one who struggles.
4. MANY will understand, so SHARE with those you're close to.
5. MANY people and an AMAZING GOD are crazy about you.
6. The only time you're a burden is when you let the enemy have his way. He wants you to think if you "stay out of everyone's way" it'll be easier for everyone, but when you agree to live in captivity and not live out of the LIFE God has for you, no one wins! Galatians 6:2 says to bear one another's burdens and thereby fulfill the law of Christ! When we share our burdens we give others a chance to walk in Jesus' footsteps and love...

This is an important post. For me and for you. Whether or not you deal with depression, there is something you deal with, and chances are, you struggle with isolating thoughts from time to time. The only way I know this--without sitting down with each of you over coffee-- is because the enemy of God is out to seek, kill and destroy us. It's much easier to hit a target who is alone in isolation than one who is surrounded by those who know and speak the WORD of God in times when our foundation is less than stable. Not only do we need to be a part of a body of believers who we are accountable to in very deep and honest ways, but we need to surround our mind and fill our thoughts with TRUTH.

Here's the part I want to shout from the mountain tops...

For the same reason I'll show the video of Cole's first day of hearing over and over until my time on earth is done, I'll share about GOD's hand of healing in my brokenness...

Since I started my morning routine of waking up early to clothe my mind and remind my spirit of where my help comes from, I've not been sent into a downward spiral since! Oh sure, there are tough days...moments when all the kids are crying, while we're late trying to get out the door somewhere and I feel less than cheery, but since I've started painting the walls of my mind with HIS thoughts about me as the sun rises over my day, the living, breathing Word of God actually stirs in me hope and purpose before I have time to let my thoughts go elsewhere...God has met me in my brokenness and spoken over me... "though the sorrow may last for a night my JOY comes in the morning!" He's written to us regarding the guarding of our minds and I've decided to take Him seriously!

Hebrews 3:1

Fix your thoughts on Jesus

Ephesians 4:23

Be renewed in the spirit of your mind

Isaiah 26:3

You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You because he trusts in You

Colossians 3:2

Set your mind on things above, not on the things of this earth

Romans 8:5-6

For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit. For to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.

2 Timothy 1:7

God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind

***

I'm reading a book right now called

100 Bible Verses Everyone Should Know by Heart

by Robert J. Morgan

In it, he says this...

Dr. Martin Seligman of the University of Pennsylvania is perhaps the world's foremost expert on optimism and motivation. In his groundbreaking book, Learned Optimism, he suggests that depression is primarily the result of wrong thinking. He writes, "Depression...is caused by conscious negative thoughts. There is no deep underlying disorder to be rooted out: not unresolved childhood conflicts, not our unconscious anger, and not even our brain chemistry. Emotion comes directly from what we think: Think 'I am in danger' and you feel anxiety. Think 'I am being trespassed against' and you feel anger. Think 'Loss' and you feel sadness...if we change these habits of thought, we will cure depression."

Scripture memory is our most powerful tool in changing our habits of thought, and the internalized truths of God's Word keep us mentally healthy. It's the greatest secret I know to personal resiliency. it molds our thoughts, and our thoughts shape our lives; for as we think in our hearts, so we are.

If our "little gray cells" are such an important thing about us, and if the Holy Scriptures are the very thoughts of God Himself, then Bible verses represent the most healing, clarifying, bolstering, uplifting data we can insert into our brains...I don't know about you, but that is what I constantly need.

***

Updated rebuttal to this quote HERE

So, I'm not sure about you, but it seems to me it's time to add SCRIPTURE MEMORY to our list of healthy habits to 2012! Each Monday, I'll be posting two verses a week, and if you commit to this discipline, by the end of the year, you will have memorized all 100 with us!

Your life is worth giving to the One who wants to transform your mind. He's given us His Word, now let's put on the full armor of God so we can withstand the schemes of the enemy...for, what use is armor if you keep it hanging in the closet during battle?! Whether it's depression, anger, anxiety, impure thoughts or another stronghold, God wants to make beauty from your uplifted handfuls of ashes. There's nothing He'd love more than for you to open yourself up to HIM...come out of the shadows of despair, and believe He is able to redeem!

The first two scripture memory verses will be posted on Monday...until then, know that you are the masterpiece of the One who designed the galaxies...and after it was all done, He said it was very good...and you and I (well...He said we were the best part!) Fill your mind with His thoughts of you and live INSPIRED by the truth. We were made for nothing less!!!

Thank you, Jesus for your presence...it's like water to our dry and thirsty souls...

Morning Walk...

2012-01-09T22:21:00.001-08:00

This photo reminds me that all of life, each moment I live promises to be part of a larger story.
"You're going somewhere..." Jesus whispers to me in Jeremiah 29:11...

There's something about the morning that has me captivated lately.

It all started when I heard Him call me to a more consistent time of devotion with Him. As a mother of four kids ages six and under, the only thing I can count on being consistent in this season - is change. As soon as one routine seems to work, another kid grows and throws the whole "plan" for a loop...and we find ourselves back at square one, longing for a routine that everyone can flourish in that won't dissolve in a day.

This past year, I sensed God was calling me to wake up early to "walk" with Him.
"I'm not really a morning person," I told Him.
"I'm more of a night owl...There are a lot of people in my family...I need my sleep so I can have energy for the day...I can't seem to get myself to bed in time to wake up early...
and the list of excuses went on, and on...

Then one day... (in the midst of a season when we had a "good" commitment four nights of the week) we were rushing around the house trying to get everyone out the door for the event that had been mounting in importance with each "home rehearsal"...Cole's Halloween performance at Pre-School. He was dressed up like Woody, hair slicked back, bandanna tied to the side..."adorable" doesn't come close (says proud mom). I couldn't wait to go support my boy as he sang fun songs (that we'd worked so hard on together), with his friends in costume.

I sent John and the boys ahead of us since the girls and I were running late. With Rylee in my arms, and Cora at my heels we were finally ready to jump in the car when it happened. I walked out the garage door to the car to put my littlest in her seat, and turned around to see Cora standing in the garage with the door closed behind her. I reached over her little blond head to open the door (since my purse with my wallet, keys and phone were still in the house) and I froze. The doorknob wouldn't budge. My curious little girl had turned that cute little button on the door knob around just enough to lock the door before she joined us in the garage to hop into her seat.

A wave of panic struck me as I tried to think up a way to be "rescued."
I ran to a neighbor's house to use their phone to call John. Since it was a number he didn't recognize, he didn't pick up. With 15 minutes until the program began, I left him a message and a text in case he hadn't turned off his phone yet...and slowly walked the girls back home.

I was devastated.
I paced the street outside our house waiting for John to round the corner and "save the day." He always saved me. He always found a way to patch up all my mistakes and help us all move on from the craziness my hurried pace seemed to find us in.
But he didn't come.
He couldn't.
He was watching our boy sing the song I'd practiced with him every night for a month.

When reality set in after 15 minutes of pacing our street, I walked back to our garage, sat the girls in the car...climbed in and cried. No...sobbed. I couldn't believe it was really happening. I officially missed his performance. At one point, when all I could do was cry into the jacket sleeve of my coat, Cora looked at me and said, "Why are you crying, Mommy?"
"I'm missing Coley's performance!" I told her.
"You miss Cole, Mommy?"
"I do, Sweetheart."

And right there...after pacing the streets and crying my eyes out in my car, feeling like nothing I worked so hard to plan, ended the way it was supposed to
...I heard Him calling...
He told me I was doing too much, and that He'd been asking me for a WHILE to wake up early to walk with Him and I'd yet to answer the invitation.

Cole came home, beaming...John came home with video in hand and although I was still heart broken having missed my boy's show...I had heard from Him, and knew it all happened for a reason...because He loves me.

In the grand scheme of things, one missed performance was worth allowing in order to draw me into closer communion with Him...He knew my "plan" needed revising, but I needed more time with the Architect of my days...

I'm a part of a small group of girls who have all committed to "Mornings." We've all struggled finding time and motivation to keep waking up early. So now have a "text" system going to help hold us all accountable. Each one of us has a week of the month, and is responsible for sending out a "wake-up text" to the others. We all respond when we get the text and sometimes...if we're especially moved in our time with Him, we'll share scripture and verses that are especially meaningful to us that morning. It's transformed my days.

Even Ryder, whose caught me more than once (since he's woken up early), comes and joins me halfway through my hour in focused time with Jesus. I have his Bible and Devotion Book waiting for him...he slips next to me and reads in his book as I read in mine.
One morning when I slept right through my alarm (yes...it happens) I opened my eyes to find a kneeling 6 year old next to my bedside...he crawled up next to me and whispered,
"Aren't we waking up early this morning, Mommy?"
He knows where His Mommy gets her strength from and who she loves. :)

My time with HIM looks something like this...
(not that this in the only way)

Read Psalm and Proverb that corresponds with the date

(Jan. 10 = Psalm 10, Proverbs 10)

...Journal...

Adoration of God (response to scripture)

Confession of where I fall short

Thanksgiving that He doesn't leave me in my brokeness!

Supplication - presenting my requests to Him in full realization of my shortcomings without Him

Then my favorite...put on my Kari Jobe Pandora station and fall on my face (literally) before Him in adoration that the God of the Bible is mine that day.

If I have extra time I read from "My Utmost for His Highest" too but have found starting my day in the WORD of God is right where I like to be.

Then my kids wake up to a mother, fully clothed in the armor of God, ready for the day and whatever it may bring...because He is greater in me than he who is in the world!

He is yours too...do you meet with Him?

Start, tomorrow morning. You'll never be more ready or in need of His presence than you are now.

And, look again at the picture...have you ever seen a more beautiful place? What's beautiful to me is the light shining through the trees firmly planted...That's where I want - and my family need me to be.

Loose teeth and NEW LIFE!

2012-01-09T00:11:00.002-08:00

Well...it happened :)

The very first lost tooth in our house!!!

I'm not sure you can imagine the level of excitement around here, but

I promised you the whole story and that's exactly what you'll get.

Throughout Christmas Break, Ryder had been wiggling his first loose tooth. His younger brother and sisters watched in awe at the sight of a wiggly tooth...it was our first time with one in our own house!

We arrived back home, had the first day back at school and Ryder walked in the house showing us all that his tooth was indeed MUCH more wiggly than we'd seen yet. It was almost more than I could handle. I have a very hard time leaving something halfway "undone."

Either in, or not...but none of this halfway stuff...that drives me crazy.

So as I was siting in between the boys working on homework with both of them, I kept glancing over to see Ryder working on this halfway "undone" tooth. Something had to be done. If for no other reason than to help him focus more clearly on his homework, (since the tooth was definitely getting the best use of his hands - and attention- at the moment), I needed to help my son with his wiggly tooth...permanently :)

So, after some wiggling with paper towels and determining that this tooth was indeed, READY to come out, I suggested the most tried and true way to rid oneself of a troublesome tooth...dental floss and a doorknob. :)

At first, Ryder while giggling said, "What? No way! I'm gonna cry!" But after explaining how gently I'd perform the procedure and that many a 6 year old had gone before him to loose their teeth in the very same way, he reluctantly agreed and even ran off to fetch the dental floss himself with a cute little skip in his step :)

One little slip knot and gentle close of a door later, our first loose tooth quickly popped right out of his mouth and onto the rug below. The sweetest thing is what happened next. The moment he held his tooth in his hand - the tooth he'd been gently wiggling for an entire month prior to that moment - he smiled at it and proudly announced, "Now we have to call everybody!!!"

And call we did...to the great joy of every family member who had watched that tooth be wiggled the month before! You would've thought we were announcing the birth of another baby! (Which we are not, by the way :)

That night, the "Tooth Fairy" visited, but before she did, Ryder wrote her a note saying:

"Dear Tooth Fairy...Please let me keep my first tooth! Thank you. Love, Ryder

To which the Tooth Fairy replied:

Dear Ryder...I will let you keep your tooth this time! Thank you for writing me a note. Love, the Tooth Fairy :)

*****************************

All this talk about teeth and wiggly, loose things finally making their exit got me thinking about this New Year. What a gift it is to live. I love serving a God of fresh beginnings.

What are some things that have been "loose or undone" in my life for a while that need to finally make their exit?

It was funny to me that I could barely handle that loose tooth in my son's mouth because of how I imagined it must feel to have something so loose - so ready to leave, remain longer than it was made to do.

New life was pushing through, but for fear of the pain, the old remained.

God says in Revelation 3:15-16

I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot; I wish that you were cold or hot. ¹⁶ So because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of My mouth.

Yikes. It sounds like a little like me with a loose tooth...if it's loose, let's get that thing OUT, not sit around wiggling it for years while new life is just waiting to bring more blessing than the old.

I don't know about you, but I sense all the way down to the core of my Spirit, that God is waiting to do a NEW work in this life of mine this year! I believe He's ready to do a new work in the life of my family too, and as a leader in my house, I want to CHOOSE new life for ME, so that the transforming work of the Holy Spirit in my life can ~~trickle~~ FLOOD across to my husband and down to my kids too as I interact with them as wife and mother.

New life.

Do you believe it's possible?

In our last post, I talked about how impossible it is to get comfortable in our brokeness. So I ask you today...What loose or broken places have you tried to find contentment in only to find that you can't? Maybe it's a habit you've been "trying" to kick for a while or one you've been "trying" to start but you just can't seem to find your groove for fear of giving up the comfortable.

Maybe there's a relationship you know you should end...or one you've been meaning to start with that neighbor no one seems to connect with down the street or a co-worker you know you've been called to show a bit more love to this year.

Whatever it is for you, I encourage you to tie some dental floss around the complacency or fear that's keeping you bound to that "loose" thing...tie it in prayer to the door of Heaven and ask God to once and for all, open the flood gates of blessing that abound in the promise He makes to those who seek Him first for LIFE!

What a promise we have in Matthew 7:7-11

Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. ⁸For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. ⁹ Or what man is there among you who, when his son asks for a loaf, will give him a stone? ¹⁰ Or if he asks for a fish, he will not give him a snake, will he? ¹¹ If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give what is good to those who ask Him!

Now time for me to answer my own question...

John and I have been praying for God to refine our use of time this year, realizing it is one resource we can never "earn" back once it's gone. For me, this has meant trimming down on my commitments outside of my home. I'm still a part of a small group of friends who are committed to journeying together through thick and thin but there were many other things I was a part of that diluted my time with my family and made it difficult for me to respond to God when he called me off my tightly wound schedule...because I knew if I dropped one plate they'd all come crashing down.

My list looks a little like this...

1. Saying "no" to more things I like to do, so I have room to say "yes" to what God's calling me to. Like, this blog! I love writing, and feel called to be more regular with it all :)

2. Saving any TV watching for the weekend :) Means more time to get ready for purposeful days with my kids, more face-to-face time with my husband, and you guessed it...more blogging :)

3. Bedtime and Wake-up time :) We're trying to go to bed early enough to be ready to wake up with the sun to spend time in the WORD before the world happens to our day :) And boy, do I need to be ready for that....

And with that I'll leave you...more on my morning routine in the next post.

Please share! What do you feel God calling you to "loosen" in the year 2012? I'd love to pray for you!!! Please comment so we can bear each other's burdens, taking them to the One who makes beauty from ashes for His glory! Love to you my friends, because He first loved us...and isn't He good!!!

10 Years of Marriage...according to John

2012-01-07T00:02:00.000-08:00

Helloooooo blogosphere! What is up! (cue funk band intro music as I walk to center stage for the monologue...

It has been 10 years and one day since I married Danice and this extra day has afforded me significantly more wisdom than I had yesterday let alone the past ten years. What shall I do with this wisdom?

Well…Danice asked that I share a lil’ sumthin’ as I reflect on ten years of marriage. As fate would have it Tim Keller posted an article entitled “You NEVER Marry the Right Person” that parallels many of my own thoughts. The article brings to light the tension between an expectation of marriage based on a biblical view of humanity and the expectation (seemingly) of marriage from a non-biblical viewpoint. You should read the article in its entirety—but I’m going to highlight two points that resonated with me.

This topic is also interesting to me as I recently came across a survey indicating only 51% of adults are married (which isn’t particularly noteworthy) however attitudes towards the purpose, nature, functionality of marriage are dramatically changing. On the whole the study revealed that people are asking the question; "What is marriage good for?" "What self fulfillment will it bring me?" This shouldn’t be that surprising as the claws of anti-modernist thinking scratch through the proverbial modernist couch leaving any vestibule of modernity (marriage being one of its core components) barely recognizable. Should Christians be concerned? Is marriage under attack? Maybe, but I think the more useful response is to be an agent of change by understanding God’s view of marriage through His word and demonstrating it. I digress…

I remember reading Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus along with other relational/marriage books as early as a freshman in college. I really wanted to try and grasp the female mind—to apply myself to understanding ‘their’ unique thoughts, desires, etc. I think this is similar to what many people do. They take personality tests, strengths tests, character tests….all to help them/me search for the most compatible, the most right, the ‘one’. While practically this is somewhat wise, it is not where I (and perhaps you) should be placing all our chips.

Keller references Duke ethics professor Stanley Hauerwas, who says:

Destructive to marriage is the self-fulfillment ethic that assumes marriage and the family are primarily institutions of personal fulfillment, necessary for us to become "whole" and happy. The assumption is that there is someone just right for us to marry and that if we look closely enough we will find the right person. This moral assumption overlooks a crucial aspect to marriage. It fails to appreciate the fact that we always marry the wrong person.

We never know whom we marry; we just think we do. Or even if we first marry the right person, just give it a while and he or she will change. For marriage, being [the enormous thing it is] means we are not the same person after we have entered it. The primary challenge of marriage is learning how to love and care for the stranger to whom you find yourself married.

Wow. Yes. I agree. There is a lot here but two points now.

First, wholeness and happiness don’t come from our wives or spouses. They might reflect it, benefit from it, enjoy it, but they aren’t causal in the wholeness equation. As Christians, wholeness comes from Christ alone through the sanctification of the Holy Spirit. (That is He initiates more righteous, more holy, more love--living in us and we respond in obedience). I have found though, that my marriage relationship is the perfect gauge for my own wholeness and if I’m tuned to it, I can see where growth in myself must occur for the next step in wholeness.

Second, ‘loving and caring’ for a stranger to whom I find myself married. Fantastic!

How much have I changed in the last year let alone the last ten. What if Danice saw me as now… ten years ago? Marrying John was not really a commitment to marring John, but who John is going to become—the unknown future John. What a risk.

If there is no guiding or stabilizing force in the unknown of one’s life, I can see why people would not jump into marriage. It’s a commitment to a person you won’t know. In our marriage Jesus is the stabilizing force—my willing ‘locus of control’. In some sense when marrying me, Danice was in fact betting on her belief that I would lean into Jesus as the stabilizing force—that no matter the stranger (and stranger!) I become that the living Jesus would be guiding me into becoming whole in Him. In that way I am still a stranger but a better-stranger.

**********
Thoughts from Danice:
So yes, I'm married to a man whose been doing a lot of dissertation writing this days! He's the smarty-pants in the family, but once I dissect certain sentences and look up the meaning of certain words and phrases, what I find is true. :) Marriage is not choosing a person you think you know everything about, and decide you like most of what you see. You can probably tell from the choice of the article, the last 10 years haven't all been rosy :) The last 4 years especially have brought their share of pressures on our marriage through a cross-country move, finding out about Cole's deafness, adding 2 girls to our 2 boys all while John chipped away at grad school by day and worked all other hours for the marching band :) While in IL, someone once asked us, "How has your marriage survived these past 3 years?" We looked at each other and smiled quietly, knowing each other's answer before either one of us spoke. "Jesus." He sustains those who trust in Him. I don't know how He does it, He just does. He's God. Ask Him yourself. Once you experience His presence, the struggles in life like...sleepless nights with a newborn...long work shifts that keep you apart...chronic illness...or other challenges marriages face, start to seem more like annoying thorns on the stem of a rose rather than bulldozers that level your house. What power will you give difficult circumstances in your life? Will you let them derail you or allow Christ to meet you, be near you and transform you through them?

Marriage is much like our walk with Christ...a long obedience in the same direction. The one thing you can count on is being broken along the way. The question is...will you allow yourself to be transformed (by the power of the Holy Spirit) in the process or just stay broken, and try to get comfortable? For anyone choosing the later, I'll save you some time and trouble...you can never get comfortable in your brokenness, though the enemy will do his best to convince you otherwise. Marriage...another reason to journey with Christ. Through obedience, in time, He makes all things beautiful. And by His grace...uses us for His glory!!!

Celebrating 3 years of SOUND!

2012-01-05T00:09:00.001-08:00

There is so much to share right now. Over the past few weeks, I've had time to be still before God, asking Him what He wants for this blog, and how He wants to use HIS story in us to make Him known those who we meet...I started blogging to keep family back home in California updated on our life in Illinois while we were away. Now that we're back "home" I asked God if He wanted me to continue and why. I really sense Him calling us to share our journey ...with Him through life, marriage, parenting, and anything else our days are filled with...but not just so that we have more info floating around the web. The sharing I feel He's calling us to is centered around the truth that all of life, every moment of every day, is a gift from the God of the Bible - the same One who parted the Red Sea, came to Earth as a baby, healed the sick and died in our place is alive and well TODAY in the lives of those who trust Him as Savior. People need to know that. Because of His grace, I am one of those people on Earth right now that lives, breathes, eats and sleeps with the Spirit of the Living God inside of my very being. Every moment I live is divine...not my own, but a gift from the One who designed me for communion with Him. {By the way...no matter your background, family upbringing...He made you for that same purpose too.}

Two days ago, our 4.5 year old Cole celebrated his 3 year Hearing Birthday! For those of you who are new to our journey, Cole was born deaf and through the miraculous technology of Cochlear Implants heard his first sounds at 18 months of age. He's been learning to listen and speak ever since and recently was chosen to have a speaking part in the Christmas Performance at his mainstream pre-school! Isn't God GOOD! In honor of this amazing milestone in his life, I wanted to repost his "Activation Video"...the day and moment, our boy heard his first earthly sounds...

As Cole grows and his speech and language develop, it's easier to take for granted, the gift God has given our family through the devices he wears. Our boy was brought from living in a world of silence to joining, interacting and loving being a part of the world of sound. We've learned so much about God's character through Cole's journey...Cole and every other child born with a disability, is a masterpiece created in the hands of a perfect God. If Cole and other kids like him were knit together perfectly, then the world has much to learn about what the true definition of perfection actually is. Maybe that's why Jesus spent so much time with sinners and the socially ostracized...He knew we needed a lesson on the value system of Heaven.

Lord, we fall to our knees AGAIN in praise for what you did that day for our boy, the work you've done in his life over the past 3 years - helping his brain make sense of the sounds around him, and the plans you have for him in the future to bring you GLORY! What a gift is is to see your hand move in such a beautiful way, right inside the body of our own son. If it's your will, please continue the inspiring journey he's on...as long as your hand is moving, our mouths will be shouting from the highest mountain tops and even the lowest valleys...OUR GOD IS GOOD and WORTHY to be PRAISED!!! What a good God we serve...

In the closing moments of this post, I sense there is someone reading who needs to know that God still heals. It may not be in the way we think we want Him to, though. I haven't keep real close account over the course of my life, but I'm pretty sure that every time God and I have had different ideas about the BEST outcome for a certain situation, when I've asked for HIS will to be done instead of mine, His idea blows mine out of the water. It doesn't even come close to the best thing my wildest imagination could dream up. Trust Him today. I promise you, (because HE promises!)...His healing is perfect, every time. His healing could look like a device like using cochlear implants to hear...but then we get to tell every passerby who asks what these "things" are about the miraculous work of God in our boy's life...Or it could look like freedom from a disease by taking the One afflicted to the place we were all made for, at the feet of Jesus in Heaven...Or it could actually look like we think healing should look like. Regardless of what God chooses to do, He does it right - every time. If we believe that, there is freedom on the other side of that belief...because then we get to join the angels in praising Him for the Sovereign God that He is, and maybe...just maybe...bring HIM glory in the process. What an honor...to do what we were MADE for! Oh Lord, make that true of me!!!

Our oldest boy has some exciting news to share too...check back tomorrow for another fun "first" from the one Cole wrestles with everyday, even if it means loosing a device or two in the process...

Happy, Happy Birthday Jesus!

2011-12-29T05:19:00.001-08:00

A glimpse of the Christmas Whirlwind of 2011

Setting the stage...

...Singing of HIS coming...

(Cole's preschool performance of which Cole was chosen one of eight kids to have speaking part!)

Cole's teacher who at the end of each day gives him a big hug and says...

"Goodbye, Coley Woley" :)

Kid-initiated, hand-built triple decker fort before gingerbread houses..because they've always wanted to have one for real :)

She's the real icing on the roof!

Cookie decorating with Kindergarten friends...

And brother :)

More cookies (yes, sugar was the theme of these past 2 weeks!)

Annual "White Christmas" party with family down South before heading North for Christmas this year :)

The cutest pink wheels, little blondie and sweetest grandparents you've ever seen!

Sweet little men at Grammie and Papa's house :)

...and little women too :)

keeping traditions going strong...Girl's Lunch OUT!

Starting new traditions...

"The First Noel"

December 23rd Family Campout under the lights of the Tree :)

Christmas Morning!

Jesus is BORN!

Kids are SWEET!

...and a little nutty too :)

Jesus is WITH US!

and came for us ALL

to every GENERATION!

Sharing meals...

Sharing gifts...

(the kids gave gifts to each other this year...here is Ryder giving Cora a tin of lip gloss to our new shiny-lipped princess :)

Family walks...

2nd cousin princesses :)

One of the sweetest treats this Christmas was seeing the boys bond with John's cousins...they really look up to older boys and we're praying God places men after HIS heart in their path throughout life :)

Memories were made, songs were sung, cookies decorated and ornaments hung. The most beautiful part of celebrating Christmas this year was anticipating Jesus' Birthday by being in the WORD together as a family every night from the day after Thanksgiving to the day He was born. We may have missed a few nights here and there but the eagerness of our oldest 3 to get out their Bibles every night to hear about God's plan for our salvation from the beginning of time, and to celebrate with them when it was fulfilled in the birth of His Son was priceless. Ryder read the scripture, Cole and Cora turned in their Bibles following along and though ever word may not have been understood, the pattern has been set...Every year, we will anticipate Jesus' birth with THIS

It was a Whirlwind...

DECORATING

trees, gingerbread and cookies

SINGING

at church, around the living room, in the car

TRAVELING

from house to house, southern to northern CA and back

SPENDING TIME

skating, building forts, drinking hot chocolate and being with FAMILY

It was a WONDER-filled Christmas,

but the most foundationally grounding part of it all amidst the fun, food and family was that Jesus gave us reason to celebrate by leaving the comforts of Heaven to come to be with us....to save us.

And every morning our family wakes up, we will live to make that truth known!

More quotes, photos and memories to come in future posts, but for now, I pray your belief in the One who came for YOU, changes you today....

Stay tuned for updates regarding the fun changes you notice here, including a new blog name! More details to come, as soon as Christmas whirlwind tornado drops me back into routine around our house in the next few days :) It's a JOY to share...Blessings!

Where, oh where have these 15 months gone?

2011-12-04T22:08:00.001-08:00

Rylee Joy...our youngest little bean, seems to be in a mad dash to grow and catch up to her brothers and sisters! It's amazing to us how our littlest one is, all of the sudden, not so little anymore! Yes, I know I've watched three others grow up right before her, but regardless of how many children I've watched grow...I'm never short of amazed each time God breathes fresh life into one of His little ones!

They are each so unique, yet so beautiful.

You can see it in their eyes...they look different, but if you really gaze into each one of them, you'll find the same sparkle. At first glance you'd see dark blue, brown, light blue, and hazel, but once you get to know the child behind the eyes, you'd see them dance to the same rhythm, fueled by the same JOY.

This is the JOY that wants to have dance parties before bedtime, build forts under beds, and take cookies to neighbors...

Its a contagious JOY. One that can't help but be caught and passed on from one cookie baking dance lover to the next, and around here...Rylee is NEXT! She's made it very clear, that she's come to this family to be much more than a by-stander. :) She's come to contribute her own JOY to the messy mix of ours...and we couldn't be happier!!!

This past month, our girl is...

Babbling more, saying "Dad, please, this, no, bye-bye, tickle" and lots of other things we're still figuring out!
Taking a few steps at a time but still not convinced walking is the best mode of transportation :) Especially when her standing up means she's swarmed by three others who all want to show how proud they are of her with group hugs!
SPUNKY! I've started calling her our "Spunky Punky" She's got a voice and knows how to use it :)
Eating everything and more than anyone else in our family! What can I say...she comes from a long line of foodies :)
Dances to music
Pulls ornaments off the Christmas Tree
Screams when you take away something she wants
Lays in her crib taking to her babies, giving them hugs and kisses
Blows kisses when you ask her to say "Thank-you..."
And SO much more!!!

This video captures our sweet one at this stage,

(along with the rest of life...laundry, toys and one sick Daddy)

We just love her.

And we're pretty sure she loves us too. :)

What a blessing it is to praise the Author of JOY for the life He created in our sweet daughter and sister...Rylee JOY!

Thankful.

2011-11-27T22:34:00.001-08:00

I'm so thankful for so much this Thanksgiving...

One thing I am so grateful for, is being able to be in my boy's class every Wednesday to help...

I love Kindergarten!

What a sweet Thanksgiving Feast this was...

With friends, pumpkin pie, snack mix (which everyone contributed to) and...

Stone (Friendship) Soup!

Complete with a real stone :)

So thankful for Mrs. Wallace too :)

I just love being a mom to these two (and the two who aren't pictured!)

Thanksgiving Day was spent at Gramma and Gramps House this year :)

My Mom and Aunt worked together to prepare a feast for our whole family...so yummy!

It was the first time in 3 years that we'd been in California for Thanksgiving and SUCH a blessing to be be together as a family with my grandparents, Aunt, Uncle, Mom and Dad :)

The day after was just as sweet...

Reading books with Gramma while Gramps and Daddy wash the trucks

My boys discovered Uncle D's old Star Wars and Star Trek toys that my Mom had saved...

They were LOVING it!!! Thanks for sharing Uncle D!

Fun little Traditions...

Cole's favorite lunch in November :)

Our "Thankful Tree"

I used Trader Joe's paper bags for the truck and branches, then we traced the kids' hands for the leaves.

We loved sitting around the tree together talking about all the things we are thankful to God for giving us. I'm excited to see how those things will change and through the years as the kids grow!

Lord, you truly are good. Because of that...we have an opportunity to life a grateful life moment by moment.

I choose that this Thanksgiving, Christmas and the moments in between and after that you give us to live. Thank you for giving us a chance to be grateful because you first chose us.

That's our Cole...and our GOD :)

2011-11-09T23:13:00.000-08:00

This is Cole in his happy place.

If Cole could live life on his bike, he would. He may get off real quick for bathroom and snack breaks, but if we let him, he would ride his bike as FAST as he could for as long as his little legs would carry him.

His new favorite animal is a cheetah.

He knows a cheetah can run up to 70 miles per hour and tells many people he meets.

He was rolling around on the floor yesterday and yelling across the room "Gramma! I'm fast like a cheetah because cheetahs run 70 miles per hour!"

We were going around the table the other night naming an animal we would want to be if we could.

Ryder said a Falcon

Cora said a Lion

and Cole said a Cheetah so he could run fast all the time!

He definitely keeps us ALL on our toes :)

Here he goes down our favorite trail, zooming on ahead...

(And yes...I am practically sprinting with my double stroller and two girls trying to keep up with him!)

It was right after this moment right here, that my phone rang.

Usually, I let it go.

These moments with my kids are too precious (and too "attention consuming") to answer my phone every time it rings. But this time...I glanced down at the number...didn't recognize it and felt the Holy Spirit whisper..."answer it."

So I did.

It was the director of a preschool I had called the day before.

Two days before that, I had told Cole's pre-school teacher that Friday would be his last day with them.

John and I had decided that in this season of our lives (aka: paying back grad school loans) that we needed to consider other options for Cole since the cost of the one he attended was too high.

We knew we were supposed to leave.

We just didn't know what the next step looked like.

We trusted though, that obedience was the gateway to God's blessing.

That day on the trail, I was wondering...praying that God would make His way clear to us in His time, for Cole. The day before, I had left a message for the director at a pre-school in town that fills up fast every year. It's the kind of place that fills up in January for the following September. It's a sweet Baptist preschool with teachers and staff who have been there a long time, because they feel called, even anointed, to teach pre-schoolers about Jesus.

When I answered the phone, it was the director of that school. I was shocked to hear her voice. I figured that on October 4th, a month into their school year, they'd be full...but I just thought I'd try.

I literally felt my jaw drop and heart skip when she told me this...

"We had someone leave this week, so we now have an opening for a 4 year old, 3 days a week."

EXACTLY what we needed.

I quickly accepted, never having ever set foot inside. During our pre-school search this summer, John and I had visited each option and interviewed the teachers...trying to find the best fit for Cole and his "hearing" needs. We looked for good acoustics, and someone who would be wiling to communicate with his therapist about his current goals. I didn't know anything about this place or his teacher before I accepted over the phone..."Crazy," I thought as soon as I hung up..."Did I do the right thing?"

As I was hanging up the phone, after having committed my boy to this opening at a place I'd never seen, to people I'd never met, two friends from church came strolling up the trail. I told them about what had just happened and how excited I was, but a little nervous having never met his teacher.

The one of my friends said, "My daughter is at that pre-school and in that same class!!! it's wonderful and her teacher is fabulous too!" Whoa. Okay God! I trust you!

Later that day, I picked Ryder up from school and told his teacher (who is also our good friend from church) about the phone call. She smiled and said..."I know his teacher! She goes to our church too and is at my table for women's bible study! She was just sharing last week how she feels called by God and anointed to teach pre-school! She loves her job :)"

We've been at this preschool for a month and love every bit of it. Great teachers, great kids, great leadership and less than half the cost of the place we had left in faith, knowing God had a different plan...

If there was ever a doubt in my mind that Cole was cared for by a God who loves Him and wants HIS best for him (His good, pleasing and perfect will)...the years I've spent seeing His hand at work is Cole's life have erased every one.

He is SO good.

And He knows this little
book devouring,
bicycle riding,
brother-wrestling,
sister-loving
bundle of a boy far more intimately than I ever will.

Right now, I just love him more than I can handle...
even his not-so-pretty moments.

This moment, however, was one of my favorites lately.

I got out of the shower to this the other morning...

He's on a new Berenstain Bears kick.

Read THIS to understand more of why I love to see my little underdog with a book in his hand.

Lastly, I'd LOVE it if you'd pray with us for Cole's therapy situation right now. We found out, days after we had our first session with her, that Cole's new therapist at House Research Institute is no longer available to help us with therapy for him. Back to the drawing board...or in our house...back to prayer :) Prayer is communion with God and where He always wants us. We were made to be drawn near to Him and so when things like this happen, I don't go straight to "worry" anymore. I used to. I like planning and used to find peace in my ability to organize the best route to my desired destination. I don't do that anymore. God has brought my family too far for me to consider taking the reins from Him again. I trust Him. No backseat driving from me.

So when things like this happen, I don't stress, I just wonder...like a kid at Christmas...what does my Daddy have up his sleeve this time? I've known Him a while now, and always love what happens when I wait in joyful anticipation of His provision for us.

It's always more perfect than my mind could dream up.

Until then...our therapy nights look a little like this :)

It's a family affair (and don't worry...I'm a little more involved when I'm out from behind the camera, but I love letting everyone in on the fun, especially when Cole decides to let them ;)

Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen.

Ephesians 3:20-21

What about you? Where do you feel God asking you to let go so He can have HIS way in your life?

Comment if you'd like and we can be on this prayer journey together :)

Rylee Joy at 14.5 months...

2011-11-06T23:35:00.001-08:00

I know I posted this photo already in our Halloween post, but I couldn't find a different one that captured my girl better...

this is SO my Rylee.

At 14.5 months, her little personality is definitely starting to shine!

She is...

SO cuddly

SO loving

SO comfortable asserting her rights with her siblings :)

SO low-key...sometimes

and other times

wants it her way!

She's definitely found her place in our little family.

She's no longer a by-stander, watching from the sidelines...

She want's to get right in the middle of it all!

That's usually about the time I hear,

"Mom! There's a monster crashing through our city!"

as she lifts whole trains right off their track and knocks over buildings in a single blow.

She's strong, she's bold...and she's not afraid to show it :)

She has 6 adorable little teeth,

She is starting to talk up a storm, babbling full conversations with the occasional,

"Hi!"..."Da Da!"..."Bye, Bye" or "More!" in there.

She loves the sign for milk and uses it often :)

And just this week took her first steps!

She loves to walk around the house pushing her stroller with her baby in it...

Here's a video of her taken a month ago

(I'm a little slow these days!)

Here's our girl around 13.5 months :)

She's even grown since then!

My favorite moments with my Rylee these days, are when she comes to snuggle with us in the mornings...She always lays right on Daddy or I and just rests. Her brothers and sisters were usually moving, moving moving at her age but Rylee, at such a young age, knows when to rest.

She rests when I sing,

She rests when I tell her that Jesus loves her and has great plans for her.

She snuggles in close when we give her kisses and gives them back.

She cuddles with her babies and her brothers and sisters too :)

She has such a peaceful disposition.

We just love you, sweet little cuddle-bug!

We praise God for the days He's given you already and pray His will be done in your life even now as it is in Heaven! What a gift it is to call you OURS!

God is SO good!

I love Him so much more...

2011-11-03T21:28:00.000-07:00

Tonight I sat alone in my bath tub...neck and back aching from a long day with my four sweet ones... played my Kari Jobe Pandora station...and met with Jesus.

He met me tonight, again. He told me He loved me. I believed Him. And through my tears of belief I was changed.

There was a ripping though. At one point I said out loud to my friends, my loved ones...

"I'm sorry." It almost felt like I was breaking up with someone for the One I truly love.

"I'm sorry, " I said..."but I love Him so much more."

I've already told you in my people pleaser post, about a desire I have to make people happy...pleased with me.

When Jesus came near to me tonight, He reminded me of how much He loves His church. And how much He loves me. In order for this relationship to go the way He designed us to be...I needed to let go. Of everyone I loved. And love Him...completely.

So I did that. There will be choices I make that may not make sense to people I love. But if they trust Jesus, they will be at peace with the things He calls me and my family to in this next season of radical obedience.

In the stillness of the morning, when I spend time with the One I love...I know that He is good, and because I know He loves His Bride, those I love that choose Him will know His goodness too.

Jesus, you're more than a friend. And your goodness, kindness and mercy are forever...I choose You. I trust You...and I love You...

Trick or Treat!

2011-11-02T21:35:00.002-07:00

Halloween this year started with a bang...

We went to Cal Poly's Pumpkin Festival a couple weeks before Halloween.

It was BUSY!

Such a great welcome back into SoCal culture.

A LOT of people

A LOT of pumpkins

and A LOT of sun :)

Yep! Sounds like Fall in SoCal to me!

We pretended we were back in IL for a moment :)

This hay bail was screaming for a picture with 4 cute kids on it :)

Looking for the perfect pumpkin :)

I didn't even stage it!

He was in the hunt for the biggest pumpkin!

My little crew... I just love them!!!

Rylee wasn't as excited to sit on them :)

The boys deciding if they found the biggest one or not...

Sleepy girl :)

Getting in line to pay for our pumpkins :)

We all sort of felt this way right about this time :)

But then we found the tractors!

Halloween Night...

My little lady bug :)

Trick or Treating with friends...

Daddy joined us straight from work :)

Counting their loot while we talk to Auntie Erin on Skype :)

I love the way Cole put his in categories :) He loves to have everything in its place!

Talking to Auntie Erin :)

My sweet little family :)

A Transformer, Cowboy, and two ladybugs

Could they be any cuter???

...My little ladies...

(Neither one wanted to wear her antennas!)

Ryder chose the "ghost" pattern for our carving pumpkin this year, while Cole and Cora painted theirs :) I asked him if he wouldn't make them "spooky ghosts", so he decided to make them "holy ghosts." It's hard to tell, but he told me he painted blue above them for the sky, them the top of the pumpkin is yellow since heaven must be filled with light :) I love my boy :)

Hope everyone had a great Halloween!!!

I'm just thankful for another night where we got to be together and have fun as a family :) As they grow, those moments are growing fewer and farther between! Trying to soak up every moment we have as a precious one, given to us by a God who has all our days numbered.

I praise God for my family!!!

Touring Cal Poly with Grammie and Papa :)

2011-10-22T22:57:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago Grammie and Papa came for a visit!

What a blessing to have them within driving distance again!!!

Here are some memories in photos from our tour of John's new school...

this time as a professor instead of a student :)

One of our favorite spots...

W K Kellogg donated this land to Cal Poly Pomona and loved Arabian horses...

There is still an Arabian Horse breeding facility on campus, where they have regular shows each month. Hoping to take the kids to one soon!

...California Lab Administration building...

It's a landmark on campus but actually been recently deemed structurally unsound and due to be torn down soon!

Having fun at the ponds :)

Watching the fish below...

Climbing trees in front of the Japanese rose garden...

Soccer time :)

She just wants to play...

Just love my family :)

Such a great day and wonderful 10 days with Grammie and Papa!

We are so thankful for priceless moments...

Date night for John and I,

ALONE time for me(!),

Grammie coming to Bible study with me

Grammie helping in Ryder's classroom,

Me getting to help in both boys classes,

Papa bringing down handmade bunk beds for the girls,

and precious nightly talks once the kids were asleep.

Everytime we get to spend time together, I'm amazing and blessed all over again, that God has given me such caring, selfless, God-fearing parents in-law :)

Thank you for making the trip down...we can't wait to see you at Christmas!!!

Dancing in the rain

2011-10-19T21:44:00.000-07:00

A month ago...it rained.
This was the second time it rained since we moved back to California in July.

I can't speak for everyone, but for the most part, Southern California doesn't do rain very well. I don't meet many happy people on a rainy day in So Cal :) I get it. Our streets flood, there are more accidents on the road, we walk around like little wet dogs with wet shoes and wet hair, and all of this because our streets and drains aren't made to hold the amount of water that falls, and we don't change the way we drive or dress to account for the floods around us.

We aren't prepared, so we suffer.

The last rainy day we had, I was no better. I decided to go to Costco, with my girls...while it poured...well, it was no Midwest storm, but for us, it was coming down! After living through 3 years of Illinois weather, I've grown accustomed to running in and out of buildings in crazy weather really fast to avoid having to bundle my kids up like stay-puffed marshmallow men for a short drive and then a quick dash inside wherever we were going. On this particular day, it was (what I call) a happy rain. Temperatures were still in the 70s, there wasn't any wind, the drops were tiny (though there were a lot of them) and I thought..."Ahhhh, this is nothing! Let's go to Costco!" Dashing into the store was fine. It was the trip out of the warehouse with two girls and a cart full of food when I began to second guess my decision. By the time they were in their seats and I made it back to my cart, puddles had already begun to form in the crevices of my groceries. Not fun. I was drenched, though my food survived, thankfully!

Lately, its become a strong desire of mine, to be prepared for rainy days. Not actual rainy days, though I could use common sense there too! God has been stirring in me a passion to put on the full armor of God...to be in His Word...to prepared for the stormy days we are told in the Bible WILL come our way.

The following practical steps have become part of my routine...
Waking up EARLY to read His Word before my kids wake up. I want my heart to be fully clothed in the richness of His presence and wrapped up in HIS truth before I step into moments of leading the kids God's called me to raise in Christ, for His glory. This is way too big a job for me on my own strength. I must ask God to go before me in this every morning, without exception.

Following a healthy routine. I'm in the process of finishing my household binder. In it, I have outlined a physically and spiritually healthy routine to follow each day. I love organization and function best when I have a clear set of expectations. So do my kids :) The past three years have been VERY important years in my life where God showed me how life-giving it is to follow Him off the beaten path, even if it means changing the plan last minute. I know there were countless conversations and precious moments shared with people in IL because I learned that life can happen outside of my plan for the day. I get it. I fully embrace God as the editor-in-chief of daily plan. I just know in this season of my life with 4 kids and a husband trying to finish a dissertation...it's nice to have a rough draft to submit to the BOSS. :) More on my household binder to come...

In this life, there will be rain...even storms that we can barely see our way out of.
When we live life knowing the One who opens the clouds, the rain seems a lot less scary...a lot less of a bother...because you know He won't let you be overwhelmed if you place your trust in Him.
When you know His Word, you know He says there is a purpose for it.
I've grown so close to Jesus during seasons when I felt like the rain would never end...
That's when I learned that He is who He says He is.
He is our healer. He is our Savior. He is the everlasting God.
I know that more securely now than ever, because I've needed healing, I've needed saving and I've needed to know that He really wouldn't leave me stuck in the flood without a place to run.

I'm on a life-long quest of learning how to delight in my God while living in this world.
I can't think of a better picture of what that looks like than this...

When it started to rain and everyone else ran for cover...we put on bathing suits and danced :)
Even as the cars continued to speed through the puddles right next to our gate...

Oh Jesus, what a joy it is to delight in You. It even leads us to do sometimes what looks foolish in the eyes of the world. Teach us what it looks like to dance in the storms of our life today, holding unswervingly to the Hope we have in YOU...the Almighty God...the One who will never leave us or forsake us, and because of whom we can actually walk confidently through the rain and maybe, just maybe...even dance with JOY because of the intimacy with you that we find...

People-pleasers...BE FREE!

2011-10-10T16:27:00.001-07:00

Along with being a recovering perfectionist, I'm also in the process of letting go of my desire to please every person I meet. Most of my life, I've given every job, role or responsibility I've had, my everything. I do believe God has given everyone gifts that He wants to them to use to the fullest every time they have the chance to do so. Operating in our giftings with humility means that God gets the credit and glory for anything good coming from us every time. It gets tricky, however, when you pair passionate perfectionistic tendencies with pride. This is the enemy's way of meaning for evil, what God intended for good.

God's intention:

For me to be carry out His calling for me with passion and excellence,

giving Him my BEST for HIS glory.

My Utmost for His Highest.

This means I am delighting in Him...and becoming a God-delighter!

The enemy's intention:

To take my passion for excellence and turn it into a quest for perfection.

Then he tempts me to lower my eyes from bringing God glory, so that I begin to want glory for myself.

I want people to look at me and think I have it all together.

This means I'm slave to people's thoughts of me...and have become a People-pleaser.

The enemy likes to take what God intended for good, and distract us into destructive patterns that we sometimes don't even realize we are operating in. There are many incredibly gifted people that have been given passions and abilities intended to bring God glory everytime they speak a word, move their paintbrush, dance a step, cook a meal, use their creativity, save a company from financial ruin, save a life, or give a cup of cold water in the saving name of Jesus. The problem, is that the ememy wins every time he can convince us that it is sweeter to hear our name praised for our "accomplishments" rather than God's. This my friend, is a trap I am ready to rid myself of.

I want to trade my desire to please people, for a life-long passion of delighting in Him.

My prayer for this blog is that it be filled with chronicles of that journey, and that at the end of it all, the headline will read...

"People-pleaser transformed into God-delighter!"

Recently, I visited a passage in Matthew 10 that has always plagued me...

Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to turn

"a man against his father, a daughter against her mother,
a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law—
a man’s enemies will be the members of his own household."

Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves their son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. Whoever does not take up their cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it.

I know, it's confusing. Why would this God of LOVE call us to be enemies with the ones who love us the most. If he desires us to live in peace, why would He talk about bringing a sword instead? In this passage, Jesus is telling the disciples and the rest of the world, how radical love and devotion to Him really looks in comparison to even our most precious relationships here on earth. I love my family more than any other human beings on the earth...but Jesus knows that even my healthiest relationships with them can't come close to being enough for me. My love, devotion and commitment to HIM must surpass even these. Using the word enemy in this passage, gives us an idea of how serious He is.

Here is a paraphrased version from Eugene Peterson of this same scripture...

Don't think I've come to make life cozy. I've come to cut—make a sharp knife-cut between son and father, daughter and mother, bride and mother-in-law—cut through these cozy domestic arrangements and free you for God. Well-meaning family members can be your worst enemies. If you prefer father or mother over me, you don't deserve me. If you prefer son or daughter over me, you don't deserve me.

If you don't go all the way with me, through thick and thin, you don't deserve me. If your first concern is to look after yourself, you'll never find yourself. But if you forget about yourself and look to me, you'll find both yourself and me.

Not only is being a people-pleaser tiring and impossible to be successful at (since there is no way we can please everyone!)...it's a sin, and keeps us from authentic communion with the God who wants all of us. We were made for Him first. I LOVE the people He's placed in my life, and am thankful for the community I have in my friends and family.

People are a support to me...but HE is my strength and portion.

My family has known me since birth...but HE knew me before the beginning of time.

People are an encouragement to me...but HE is the BREAD of LIFE!

My friends give me their time...but HE gave me his LIFE!

Jesus, thank you for the amazing family, and incredible network of friends you've given us to journey through life with...I am incredibly grateful for them. I want to hear your voice loudest, feel your love the strongest and cling more strongly to the knowledge of YOU than any wisdom the world could give. Help me when I fall short of your desire for me and resort to people-pleasing...more than all of that, I want to DELIGHT in you...you are my everything, and when I live this way, I'm the mother, wife, daughter and sister you've truly called me to be in the lives of the people I love. This is truly, authentic community. God-delighters journeying together, using every opportunity to give you glory. That's what I want to be about...For your kingdom, For your glory, and For the Ones you've called me to LOVE.

Abide in me.

2011-10-03T23:58:00.001-07:00

Maybe I'm the only one, but sometimes I need to remind myself to just breathe...

In these moments, it's not just air I'm reminding myself that I need, but perspective that only the Holy Spirit can bring...

I am someone who likes to start things. When I took a "strengths" test in college, one of my top strengths was Activator...someone who likes to turn thoughts into action. John is very patient in listening to my new ideas daily. I won't get into the details of all the different ideas floating around in my mind during this season, but there are a lot. And each one energizes me. I love dreaming of the possibilities that God may have for my family and I, and am thankful beyond words to know that His plans for us are anything but boring. He designed us...so instead of considering what I THINK I can accomplish or deciding how my own time should be spent...the Holy Spirit has been drawing me close, and whispering into my ear and my heart..."I've got it, trust me...I know you...I love them...and in me your life will be abundantly more purposeful than anything you can dream up on your own. Right now, just abide in me.

Abide in me. I love that. I'm no theologian, but to me, the word abide brings rest to my spirit. It reminds me that God not only wants me to know about Him...He wants me to crawl up in His lap and rest in the knowledge that He's got it all worked out. All He asks of me, is to trust Him with it all.

What does abiding in Him look like, right smack in the middle of the day in the life of a mom...

Putting my kids first and my house second...I hear it said often but being a perfectionist, I often times can't relate easily to the moms who talk of leaving the messy house to give their attention fully to their kids. I know it sounds terrible to say, but when the rubber meets the road, I like to play in a clean house. It's just how I'm wired. Today my goal, however, is to become one of those moms for the day, and see how it goes. I want to be more of a mom and less of a maid. I want to leave my "stuff management" at bay for a while to not just work "next to" my kids while they play, but spend quality moments with them. I want to look into those little eyes that God has given me to direct, and be reminded of the first time I saw them...the indescribable rush a mother feels holding her baby in her arms for the first time slowly seems to fade as pressure from the "real world" crowd in and the world's demands fight for your attention. I feel the Lord challenging me lately to trade the demands of the world for His joy in parenting my kids. It's such a beautiful calling we have as mothers, and the faster mine grow, the more I'm realizing that this really is a season. I won't have this time with them forever. Moment by moment, God is using me NOW to impact with life looks like for them LATER. That deserves all I have. It's time to start living like it.

If you are a mom, my prayer for US is that we align our priorities with HIS. The crazy thing about dishes, is that they keep getting dirty...it's a crazy game I play. I wash them...I feel better about myself and then they are dirty again one meal or snack time later and it's back to the washing to feel "successful" again...I pray that the JOY we gain from being with our kids....really BEING with them...will be worth the cost, whatever it may be that we have to give up in order to make these moments with your kids count in an eternal sort of way. Because they were given to us for such a time as this...but they'll never know it unless we tell them :) May they know they our ours and we are HIS by the way we live and ABIDE...in the little moments just as much as the big ones.

Preschool days are here again...

2011-09-20T22:46:00.001-07:00

School is in full swing around here and this is one little monkey who LOVES waking up and hearing that it is a school day! Coley goes 3 days a week to a Christian preschool right up the road from our house that he absolutely loves. He's in a class of mostly boys, which I think he also loves!

A week before school started, John and I went to meet with his teacher. She is a wonderfully enthusiastic teacher, excited to have Cole in her class and eager to learn all about what makes our boy special since she has no previous experience with CI's before. When we met with her, we showed her the self-advocacy PowerPoint that Cole and one of his therapists in Illinois made for him right before we left. It is awesome. It has slides about his family, things he likes and doesn't like (showing that he is a just like every other 4 year old boy in a lot of ways!) and then tells about his implants...the part of our boy that makes him unique! As we went through the PowerPoint, Cole sat on my lap told her about each slide....The people that made up his family, that he liked to ride his bike and wants to ride a fast motorcycle someday, that he loves to eat cheeseburgers and that he wears cochlear implants to hear. I was so proud of him :)

On the first day of school, I went for the first half hour to get him settled and to give his new friends a little lesson on his cochlear implants. I sat in a circle with Cole's teacher along with 7 other 4 year olds, while they went around and said their name and how old they were. Each time it was someones turn to share, they shyly mumbled through their name and with lots of help from their teacher, shared how old they were. Cole was last to share, and he (without any prompting) popped up and said...
"My name is Cole. I am 4 years old." And then he sat down, all smiles.

Then I asked him to come sit in my lap so we could tell his new friends about his special ears. He bounced over to my lap, and said (with a little help from me)...
"These are my cochlear implants. They help me hear. When they are off I can't hear. They cannot get water or mud on them." I went on to tell them that if you are trying to talk to Cole outside where it's noisy, and he doesn't turn around when you call his name, he may not hear you. Just move to where he can see you or tap him on the shoulder so you know he's paying attention! I planned on staying longer to help him get settled, but after the speech he gave, I realized he was on his way to a great first day!

Since that moment, he's had 2 weeks of school...Everytime I pick him up, his teacher says he's had a great day and is one of the best listeners in class. She's actually hoping some of the other kids pick up on his great behavior and good listening skills! He even had a computer day already, and before we could send the special cord that plugs directly from the computer to his implant, he tried out big headphones the computer teacher gave him to try that covered his implants completely. From their reports, he told them he could hear well, and as they watched, he played the computer game perfectly! I'm still planning on going in to observe him on the computer to double check he's not just a great guesser :) but the initial reports are encouraging!

So far in preschool, Cole is...
memorizing and reciting scripture (2 verses so far!!!)
doing a great job with his coloring and writing like a champ! (thank you Miss Carolyn!)
eating ALL of his lunch (this brings me SO much joy being the one who packs it!)
playing on computers using regular headphones...(amazing!)
making wonderful friends (though he still seems to be the most social one of the bunch :)
and riding scooters up a storm..(he's a sucker for anything FAST!)

Yesterday, Cole brought home a bracelet he made. He showed it to me when I picked him up, and I oooed and ahhhed over it, then didn't think much more about it. Then, it was time to pick up Ryder. We all piled in the car, Cole with his bracelet, and marched in a long parade-like fashion (which is really how we go everywhere these days) up to Ryder's room. When we arrived, the sweetest thing happened. Cole ran up to his brother and said, "Ryder, Ryder! Look what I made for you!" and then took his bracelet off his wrist and watched as Ryder excitedly put it on his.
"Thank you, Coley!" Ryder said, "I'll make you one when we get home!"

We're thankful for a wonderful preschool for our boy, but SO much more than that, we are thankful for the character and maturity God is developing in him as he grows in and out of school. Seeing him at home with the brother and sisters God has given him is such a picture of the fullness of God and how his plan for us is COMPLETE, not lacking in anything.

God may not have made Cole with hearing, He DID given him...
...a brother who challenges him to talk A LOT in all their adventures together, and who God has made more patient and adaptable in the process of knowing, loving and growing with Cole...
...a sister who LOVES to play house with him stretching his imagination every time they are together, and who God is making more patient, loving and adventurous every day she's with Cole...
...another sister who draws out a the most tender, nurturing side of my little boy that I've ever seen and who is learning what courage looks like close up in her big brother!

God truly is GOOD!!! We praise Him for every moment with our boy, and pray others would come to understand more about the character and heart of our God who loves the disabled, as they know more about the way HE is touching Cole's life. We praise you, Lord for your work and look forward to all you have for his future!

Ryder's First Day...

2011-09-13T22:42:00.000-07:00

There's something about being a mother that constantly keeps your heart on its toes. As soon as you feel like you might pull your hair out during one stage, another one comes that you makes you wish the first one was still there. I guess this is what every mother I talk to who was once in my place means when she says..."Enjoy every moment. It goes by SO fast." Do you hear that all the time? I do. Usually it's when I'm grocery shopping with all four kids by myself or carrying one and pushing two in a stroller up a hill on a walk when I'll hear..."I'd trade places with you in a heart beat."
"Really? Now?" I think to myself...but now I get it.

One of those moments happened again at our house two weeks ago.
My oldest started Kindergarten.
As I walked him through each "event" leading up to the big first day (Kindergarten play day, Orientation, etc.) It hit me that he would now be spending most of his time in another place.

For 6 years, Ryder has been my constant companion.

In the past 6 years, I've experienced some of the most beautiful moments sandwiched in between some of the most difficult times. The kind that if you make it through, you can't help but come out changed forever. Through those moments, since he's been alive...he's been beside me through it all.

On a Tuesday morning two weeks ago, this all changed.
We woke up as usual, ate breakfast but then instead of going about our day of reading, playing games, and taking a walk to the park like we got in the habit of doing on most days, John and I drove our boy to school, walked him to the kindergarten playground, and watched as he excitedly began a new kind of "normal."

Saying goodbye to Gramma and Auntie Ine before leaving

Having been a kindergarten teacher in the past, I know it's often times harder for the parents to say goodbye than for the kids. That was definitely true of my Ryder. He was so excited to make new friends, and start going to school like his older friends. I found myself not really knowing what to do once I helped him hang up his backpack, put his lunch in the tub and then watched as he ran to the sandbox to join his new friends :)

There was a moment when we stepped aside, thinking we might leave but then found ourselves lingering over to the side, just watching...watching to see what would happen next as we left him to his new world :) He played for a bit, but then started wandering around just checking everything out. We both were thinking the same thing but John beat me to it...

"Ryder!" he yelled..."We're still here!"

Ryder ran over, gave us a hug and we chatted just a little bit longer before it was time for him to go. I liked that :) I even snuck one more picture by the tree he was trying to run up a few moments earlier. :)

Once the bell rang and they were instructed to line up behind their new teachers, he ran up to me since he didn't see Mrs. Wallace at first. I pointed out his line, walked him to the end of it and whispered in his ear..."Isn't this fun...these are all your new friends!" He gave me a sideways glance and sort of brushed my leg saying, "Okay mom...You can go now," as his teacher made her way to the front of the line. There was no doubt in my mind at that moment :) He was ready for Kindergarten!

Through all of my prayers for his placement in the school and class that God wanted him in for the year, they were all answered in an amazing way. Ryder was assigned to Mrs. Wallace's class. Our dear friend from church :) I think back to the prayers I prayed while still in Illinois, once we knew we were moving back to California.

Oh Lord...please help us find the schooling you want for YOUR boy.

I'm overwhelmed to tears when I think of yet another way God has made provision for our family.

Mrs. Wallace and Ryder :)

As bittersweet is is to let my boy go, I know that for now...he's where God wants him to be.

Since the first day, he's off to a great start, sailing through kindergarten testing, and even beginning to read books for an Accelerated Reader program I loved using with my 3rd graders when I taught :)

I love my boy. My heart and mind are full these days praying for God to speak to me about how to guide him as he grows. As Cora often says these days, "God made Rylee special, Cole special, Ryder special, Mommy special, Daddy special and me special too!" With all these "special" people living under one roof, this momma's got a lot of praying to do!!! What a honor and a gift it is to be called to such an intense time of ministering to these precious lives.

Lord, give me your grace and wisdom to see your kingdom come here in our family's lives as you see it in heaven. Amen.

Rylee turns 1!

2011-09-07T21:50:00.001-07:00

Happy 1st Birthday Rylee Joy!

One year ago, our family received the most precious little gift, and Ryder received (in his words), "The best birthday present EVER!"

To celebrate this SWEET first year of life, we went to Gramma and Gramps house...

Even our girl opened her own presents...

LOVED giving kisses to her new baby :)

Ryder checking out HIS new present :)

Our family is so sweet...even Cora and Cole got presents so they wouldn't feel left out :)

The birthday buddies :)

So precious...

Ryder took care of both candles this year :)

But Rylee handled her cupcake just fine by herself!

Dear Rylee,

Daddy and I are overwhelmed DAILY with how precious and sweet your spirit is. You love to cuddle in bed with us every morning and everyday Daddy looks at you and says, "Are you going to live with us forever?" I think secretly, he hopes the answer is YES! We love the way you giggle every time one of your brothers or sisters comes your way ready to tickle or play with you. You are smaller than all your siblings were at one year old, but you LOVE to eat! You eat everything we do, just in smaller bites :) Your 4 teeth are helping you do that. You just started saying "Hi!, Bye! All done... and More please! using your cute little voice and signs that go with them.

More than all the developmental milestones you could reach though, I am most amazed at the way God has given us another little life so unique from your brothers and sister. You are wonderfully made, sweet one. Your round hazel eyes say so much in the way they are so peaceful yet bursting with life and joy..."I am made in the image of God!"

This is exactly what God has shown me this last year you've been alive...and mine.

That He is wise beyond our understanding.

That He is perfect in every way.

That I am nothing without Him.

And with Him ALL things are possible.

That He is a God who wants us to know He is always at work.

He lets us feel overwhelmed so that we learn that He is all we need.

We can't do it on our own.

We are not smart enough or strong enough to do the will of God in our own strength.

Pride is the enemy's counterfeit way of convincing us we're worth something.

Humility is the result of recognizing that our value comes from HIM.

Jesus' death means we can be in communion with the One in whom all freedom, goodness, peace, joy, and contentment are found.

Many days since you've been born, dear one...I've prayed this prayer...

Oh Lord...I need you.

I can't do this on my own.

May there be evidence of the Holy Spirit's work in my life because of my FULL dependency on You.

You say you'll bring

love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control

ALL of these things I need to be as a mother.

ALL these things I want to be true of my kids.

With your transforming Spirit at work in us all it is possible.

For your kingdom and for your glory.

So my sweet Rylee...

Thank you for being the reason I pursue the One who Saves even more today than ever.

Happy Birthday, my Dear One :)

Ryder turns 6!

2011-09-06T00:00:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday Ryder Daniel!!!

What a joy it was to celebrate that God has given us 6 years with our oldest boy.

In some ways it feels like just yesterday we became a parents for the first time as we walked through the door of our house with our sweet boy in our arms.

In other moments it feels like he's been ours since the beginning of time...

It's hard to remember what life was life before knowing those blue eyes were mine. :)

Having just moved, a big backyard bash was out of the question for his party this year...also because we don't have a backyard...or a front yard, really :) Trying to think of the best possible way to celebrate with our boy this year, I did what any other mother of four would've done...asked two more friends to join us for a sleepover! Honestly...we don't sleep much anyway around here...adding two more boys to the mix sounded like a great way to celebrate! Thankfully, Ryder has a terrific memory and two very close friends that he still has a very close bond with even though when we left for IL, he was only 3!!! What a blessing to be able to have such sweet friends come over and celebrate with us this year, only a week after moving into our new place.

Ryder was SO excited to have his friends come over :)

One of the things I love most about my boy, is that he has a grateful spirit.

He's thankful for the things that some may consider little, but for our boy, he's on top of the world.

It may be because in our family, we like to practice the discipline of living simply.

Not just because it's costs a lot less :)

But because we want our kids to grow up understanding what Jesus meant when he said, "Be thankful in ALL things."

It's amazing how quickly we can begin living with feelings of constant expectation when we get comfortable with having a lot all the time. As parents, sometimes it's hard to remember that God is calling us to set the the bar for our kids based on the example we were given in Jesus...not to have our kids push it to a place that is comfortable for them.

My heart melted a few times when I overheard him say things like...

"Isn't this the best party, EVER?"

"I've never been to frozen yogurt before!"

"I'm so excited to watch this movie...I've never seen it before!"

I love the age of innocence...it is such a gift as a parent, to watch your child's eyes light up as they experience something they consider "special" because to them, that's exactly what it is.

Here it is.

The party in pictures :)

Guest list...

Building a track for everyone to play with when they arrive...

Waiting...

They're here!!!

First game (while waiting for pizza)...who can spell their name and age the fastest?

Then we hopped into the "Birthday Bus"...

The backseat boys :)

Went for frozen yogurt...

And to play at the park a bit before heading home...

Opened presents, then played Star Wars Trouble...

Watched a movie :)

The stage is set for a GOOD night sleep :)

John stayed up telling them stories until they fell asleep...

The next morning, I walked downstairs to find them playing with his new Star Wars Legos :)

We made Mickey Mouse pancakes...

And after combing everyone's hair...we ended up at church!

Looking back on the night, we all thought it was a GREAT way to spend quality time together as a family along with a couple wonderful friends to show our boy how treasured and celebrated he is! The only thing Ryder said he'd want to change, is that next time he wanted them to stay longer!!! I guess that's a good thing :)

My sweet Ryder...

I love you. I love your silly times. I love your quiet times. I love your alone times. I love Mommy-Ryder times. I love your brother times. I love your sister times. I love your helping times. I love your creative times. You amaze and challenge me daily. I am amazed at how deep your love for your brother and sisters runs. The way you correct them, though sometimes feels constant, is so often well received. This tells me they have a deep respect for you, and they trust you love them too. God has incredible plans for you, my son. You don't even have to wait to find out what they are...He's already told us His strongest desire for us. It's to love Him with all everything you have and to love those we meet wherever we are. I love your desire to know His Word. You need to know that more than anyone here on Earth, you are here to bring HIM glory and joy :) May everything you do, say, think and feel bring you closer to the One who knows how many hairs are on your head. The One who formed your heart is the One worth following...Daddy and I will do our best to give you glimpses of who He is along this journey, but honestly...it's really better to hear it straight from Him. I love you, but want you to love HIM more.

I am honored more than I could ever describe to be given front row seats to the stage of your journey. I can't imagine a better show!!!

Happy Birthday, my sweet Son :)

We're HOME.

2011-08-30T22:29:00.000-07:00

Whew!

It's a been a little long since the last post, but I have good reason. I promise.

In a matter of a week and a half...

We moved,

Two of my kids had birthdays,

and two are starting new schools.

Enough said.
Lots of blogs to come!

Any other mom would probably take a bubble bath or take a long nap (if she could) but instead I'm ITCHING to get caught up on my blogging.

I love it.

I love my family, love my kids, love that God takes every breathing moment I'm alive to teach me more about who He is and I LOVE, LOVE , LOVE sharing it all with you.

So...I'm back! I hope you're still there too :)

So, I don't really know where to begin. Normally I would write a whole post on our housing situation, but honestly...there is so much more to life than showing you the colors of my curtains, that I've decided to make this part of the story short and sweet.

We were in the process of trying to buy a place...it fell through a few weeks before Ryder was supposed to start Kindergarten, and so God lead us to a wonderful town house for this year while we continue to look for a more permanent place for our family!

Here is a look at our new spot...

There's even a little playground just for us!

Between our family and one other family with four kids who also just moved into the complex, we dominate the playground and pretty much every other part of open space that you see :)

We are SO thankful.

God's plan is not always our plan but it's always BEST and PERFECT.

The interesting question is, what do we do in the waiting?

When you're waiting to hear from God about what His plan is for you, what kind of posture do you take?

Do you impatiently tap your toe, wishing He'd hurry up? Do you try your best to figure out every possible alternative scenario just in case your Plan A falls through?

A friend of mine once said, "With God...there is no Plan B. Only Plan A."
I like this. And it's true.
The Bible is filled with stories of people who were surprised by God's plan for their life, and maybe a little resistant at first.

God told Sarah she would have a baby at age 80...
She thought she was too old.

God told Noah to build a boat.
Everyone thought he was crazy.

God told Jonah he was to go to Nineveh...
He didn't want to go.

God chose David (a boy) to fight Goliath (a giant)...
King Saul almost stopped him.

God wanted Esther to save her people by confronting the King...
She didn't think she had what it took.

Each of these people were given a chance to BELIEVE that God could work beyond their human ability and though most of them took the scenic route before seeing God's plan for what it was.
AMAZING. Life changing. World history altering.

I wish I could say I was A LOT different than each of these men and women. I wish I could say I waited gracefully and patiently. Sometimes I did, sometimes I didn't. In the 2 months we waited for our Plan A to come through, I grew more and more anxious as the start of school drew near. "God...please don't forget about Ryder!" He didn't he never does. I knew that. I just have a hard time sitting still. Looking back I can see the blessing of God making us "sit" for a bit.
We had 6 weeks of time to spend with our family.
Our stuff sat in our moving truck in a storage spot, and we "helplessly" spent our days making up for lost time with the family we missed so much over the past 3 years while we were in IL.

Just because I feel impatient, that doesn't mean God is running behind.
God is never late!

Every once in a while, I hear the voice of the Holy Spirit reminding me that the God of the Bible is the One who I worship still today. The One who made Esther, made me. The God who brought the Israelites to the Promised Land, has brought our family back to California.
I just pray that I learn from their mistakes and learn to TRUST the Lord the first time He speaks rather than whining about His provisions along the way. I don't want to end up in a desert-like purgatory because of my unbelief. I want to rest in His peace, and BELIEVE that what I call a time a waiting, God calls another day worth waking me up to live!

So...we PRAISE the God of Abraham, Issac and Jacob...we PRAISE the King of Kings and Lord of Lords...we PRAISE the blemish-less Lamb of God...we PRAISE the Soon and Coming King for His provision for our family in this season of our life. He has put more than a roof over our heads, He has given us a home, and because He is in it, we are all about it :)

Thank you Jesus...may you be brought Glory in this place.

Cole's PLAN.

2011-08-14T23:59:00.000-07:00

What a journey it has been...

Leaving Illinois has impacted each member of our family in unique ways.

For Cole, leaving Illinois meant leaving a place where all his hearing needs we taken care of in the same building, by a team of people who have known him from the start.

It was there he was diagnosed, implanted, and given over 400 hours of therapy to help him reach the goals he has over the past 2.5 years of hearing. God is so worthy to be praised!

Cole was given a full evaluation in June, right before he left Carle Auditory Oral School.

..Here are the results...

Keep this in mind:

Actual Age when tested- 3.92 years

Hearing Age - 29.5 months (How long his implants have been activated at the time of testing)

scores in green are above his actual age

scores in red are below his actual age

gains over the last 6 months are in blue (any gains OVER 6 months mean we're doing a good job in making up for lost HEARING time! That's our goal!!!)

Receptive Language:

The level of language usage he understands...

3.6 years

Slight drop from last round of tests 6 months ago, but his therapist mentioned it may have been due to a part of the test that was tricky for Cole.

Expressive Language:

The level of language he uses when he speaks...

3.6 years

4 month gain

Receptive Vocabulary:

The level of vocabulary he understands...

3.8 years

5 month gain

Expressive Vocabulary:

The level of vocabulary he uses when he speaks...

4.3 years

8 month gain! Great job Cole!

Nonverbal Play Skills:

His interaction with objects and responses to initiations by others...

4.9 years

12 month gain...(Wow!!! Great job Coley!!!)

Verbal Play Skills:

The way he initiates play with others and what he says while he's playing...

4.8 years

12 month gain...(The result of a wonderful teacher this year and friends he loved to play with!)

Understanding of Basic Concepts:

Evaluation of his understanding of concepts typically taught in Preschool and Kindergarten

4.5 years

This was the first time he was given this test. Way to go Cole!!! Thanks to Miss Carolyn, you're ready for school!

Speech:

What the words he says SOUND like...

1.9 years

2 month gain...(This has always been the hardest part for him...we've been working on final consonants all year long :) We'll keep working hard though!

So what does this mean?

Cole continues to make gains, though not quite as dramatic as last time, he is still progressing along in his journey and we are thankful first to God for allowing Cole to continue to make progress, and for the staff who worked with him last year and were used by God to make this progress a reality! :) Thank you!!!!

Since moving, we've spoken with three different therapists who have looked at Cole's scores and said..."I think he's ready for a mainstream setting!" Now, I realize he still has a long way to go...especially in the area of speech. I also want to make it clear, that if we were still in Illinois, we would still happily have him attend the same amazing school we just moved from. Since our circumstances have changed, though, and we are now in California, our options for Cole have also changed. There are a few Oral Deaf Education options for Cole available in our area, but unfortunately they do not have hearing peers involved in their programs. We've been advised by those who are more familiar with the population of students attending those schools, that Cole may benefit more from being with students who will be more appropriate language models for him at this point in his journey.

Moving was (and always is) a big deal.

We were blessed to be moving back HOME with family, friends and a church ready to welcome us back!

The difference we experienced in moving this time, was that we were not just gaining a community we knew and loved...

we were leaving another.

Moving Cole away from CAOS was one of the hardest parts of moving for us this time around. Leaving a place where such intentional and individualized care was so available for our boy was a GIFT we will never take for granted. If we didn't believe in a God who we KNOW has plans to prosper us and not to harm us, we would've left with fear and doubt that we were making the right choice in moving Cole at this stage of his journey. Because we left in order to walk through the only door open to us through John's job search, we know God has purpose in moving ALL of us back to California. For Cole, this meant leaving what was familiar and comfortable and trusting that God has already taken care of what was a big unknown to us regarding his therapy and schooling.

Once we heard from 3 different therapists that the original placement we thought was going to work for Cole was probably not the best place for him to be around appropriate language models, John and I went back to square one. Square one always takes us to our knees in prayer. With a deep sigh and butterflies in my stomach, I gave him up...again. As a mother, I realize this practice of giving my kids back to the One who knit them together comes often. I find myself on my face when I'm at the end of my own wisdom and and my "options" basket is empty. As scary as this place is...it's begun to feel like home to me. I think it may be one of God's favorite places to meet me. Totally undone and authentic me, meeting a totally able and perfect God. These are the moments my life changes course and set me down a slightly altered path then where I started. Encounters with God do that. There is nothing flashy about it. Just me, realizing my limitations as a person and then acknowledging God and His endless power, capability, wisdom and plan. Moments like that are always life-giving to me. Always.

So, I did it again.

"God...what do you have for Cole...I'm scared we aren't going to find the right fit for him out here."

From His Word, God responded to me...

"My plan is to prosper him and not to harm him...to give him a hope and a future. Do not fear for I am with you. Do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

And so the quest began...

We interviewed 12 therapists in the LA area and over the course of 2 weeks, nailed it down to one at the House Research Institute in lovely heart of LA :) I say that with a grin because I've lived in the LA area for most of my life, and made every effort to avoid "downtown"...the very place God has lead us for Cole. :) This time though, it's different. This time I'm excited to take my boy to the place and therapist that God has lead us to through much prayer and wise council. We even met with someone who works at House now who used to work at CAOS years ago!!! What a good God we serve :) So I'm excited to start driving Cole to LA once a week (also a change from our 5 times a week) starting in September. With his reduced therapy schedule, I'll be working with him A LOT more at home. What a blessing its been to be in so so much therapy with him up to this point...I feel ready for the challenge. I think Cole's ready too. We've been working on the AMAZING speech binder Cole's therapist from IL made us for the summer. We've gotten into a great routine and he seems to be excited to do "peech" with Mommy...we're working on the "s" :)

After the therapist search was over, we started our quest for a mainstream preschool for our boy...after visiting a bunch in the town we will be moving to soon, God again (as he does often) gave us confirmation of the one He had picked out for our boy by closing a bunch of doors in the process :) Some doors were closed through lack of space while others became less of an option because of their noisy learning environments. It was our first time "school-hunting" for Cole.

We were looking for...

Small student to teacher ratio

Opportunities for him to learn in a small group without a lot of background noise

Students who would be appropriate language models for him

Teachers willing to work with us and Cole's therapist in addressing language goals in the classroom

Willingness from the director and teachers to make and adjustments needed as issues arise.

We found all that and more at Western Christian Preschool and we're so excited for Cole to start soon!

Whew!

After months of transition and prayer, we have a plan.

Thank you, Lord for revealing to us what you've known since the beginning of time.

We would love your prayers for Cole, his therapist and teacher as we all embark on a VERY new stage of Cole's hearing journey in the next few weeks.

If I'm being honest, I'm a little nervous.

This is all very different for us, but though I could list for you all the reasons why I should be nervous, I won't. They don't matter. What matters is that God lead us to Illinois to the very finest of care before we knew there was a need to search for it. Just because he let me be in on the search process this time, doesn't make Him any less ABLE to provide the perfect plan for Cole. Bottom line...I trust Him.

SO there you have it...the PLAN.

We'll keep you posted on the unfolding of it all SOON.

Until then...please join us.

PRAY

to the One who can do above and BEYOND what we could ever hope to imagine for ourselves.
Pray for wisdom for all involved and that God would prepare the heart of our boy for all the NEWNESS he's about to take on. The cool thing is, He's not alone...he's NEVER alone. God is with him, now and to the end of time!

That's my God!

Our first month back HOME...

2011-08-07T23:38:00.002-07:00

A LOT has gone on!!!

You are about to read one of those posts that crams WAY too much into one place...

It's months like this when I wish my eyes and ears were cameras that could capture it all, remembering every little detail along the way. Instead, I rely on my camera and frayed memory to recall all that this past month has been for our family as we transition back HOME. :)

Vacation Bible School

We arrived to my parents' house Sunday evening and on Monday morning, the oldest three started going to VBS at my parent's church! How's that for hitting the ground running! It ended up being an amazing week. :)

Ryder on "CrAzY HaT DaY!"

(He was on the orange starfish team)

My mom sent us a CD of songs before we left IL so we could listen to them in the car on the way to CA and so that the kids would be familiar with them when they arrived at VBS the first day...little did we know it would become the CD of the summer! They LOVE the songs they've learned and sing them often...especially Cora!

Cole and Cora were both on the "Purple Pelican" team and still sing their little team chant...

"We're purple, we're pelicans, we're praising God!"

I stayed with my purple pelicans for three days and then traded with my mom to be in the craft room, since it seemed like they were more interested in hanging onto my legs than participating when I was around! They did wonderfully with Gramma :) One neat thing about being in there for 3 days was getting to observe Cole in a mainstream setting where no one was doing anything to accommodate him in anyway. He definitely did better sitting in the front row and even raised his hand a few times to answer a question based on the Bible Story he had just heard. I was so proud of him!!!

Ryder was on the orange starfish team and had a blast with the kids who he had just met that week. He's such an adaptable little thing, jumping in and making friends in new surroundings.

There was a moment that week though, when he cried as I was tucking him in to bed one night because he missed his friends in IL. Even though God had led us to such a good place, it doesn't make leaving all our friends in IL any easier. :)

There were two extreme water days where the kids got to bring their bathing suits and slide on HUGE slip n' slides and inflatable slides...Cole is my most adventurous one right now! Rylee may be right behind him soon too...they have SUCH a sweet connection :)

And then there's my little Cora Grace who didn't touch a drop of water all week :)

She loves her Gramma though!

One of the highlights of our first week back in CA, was getting to spend it with my cousin, Lauren. :) She worked in the craft room with my mom all week, and every once in while, they'd sneak out to visit us Purple Pelicans :)

I think it's safe to say we all had a week we'll never forget :)

We also got to take Lauren to Malibu Seafood before she left...one of my favorite spots. We looked at old photo albums all week, and we all were in awe of how much Cora looked like Lauren when she was little!!!

We hit up the beach before heading home :)

Birthdays

Cole, my mom and I all share a birthday month :) When we arrived, Gramps took Cole out to get his birthday present...a new bike! It's the same size as Ryder's and he is tearing it up already!!! Cole has such an adventurous spirit...When he's faced with a new circumstance, he may be shy at first in meeting new people, but if there is a challenge that comes his way, it doesn't take long for him to look it square in the eye and not stop trying until it's conquered! He's mastered riding this bigger bike without any help from training wheels and over these past few weeks, he's also taught himself to swim! We went from wearing floaties when we first arrived (not having swam since last summer a few times at a community pool in IL) to diving for rings at the bottom today with Ryder...seriously...who is this boy??? He's God's creation! That's who!!! I just love being his Momma :)

Getting to celebrate my birthday with my family this year was the greatest present I could've asked for. This was the first time in 3 years that we were together on my birthday!

My Babi and Deda :)

My Mom and Auntie Ine :)

My Love and our girls :)

My chilly boy always knows the best places to warm up :)

My boys just love the goggles!

What a gift...to be 31 and with the ones I love...the only thing that would've made it perfect is if my brother was there :)

Visiting Family

We were so thankful to have a time to visit John's grandparents and aunt in the Bay Area for a couple days! It's always a joy to be in their presence and see how quickly the kids warm up to those who love them but have been so far from us the past 3 years! One of the priorities John and I have set since God has brought us back to CA is to see LOTS more of our sweet family who lives within driving distance again!!! It's amazing how quickly our perspective shifts when we're taken out of what is familiar for a time...God has done a good work in us in so many ways, and a growing appreciation for how close we live to our extended family is one thing we can say we have now more than ever!!!

We also got to visit our dear friends who we went to college with years ago...quiet, contemplative visits together have quickly turned into fun, family gatherings with 7 kids between our two families! I love how although our kids haven't spent a ton of time together, since they've grown up in separate states most of their lives, they are quick to connect each time they are reunited...our youngest girls didn't make it into this picture, but they are there watching their siblings pose! So thankful for these DEAR friends!!!

After a few days in the Bay Area, we headed further north to spend the week at Grammie and Papa's house! This meant, lots of time at the lake for sailing and swimming...

Time up at Manzanita Lake in Lassen National Forrest to beat the heat...

We watched a mama duck and her babies...

Took our shoes off to squish our feet in the mud

(perfect for Cole's speech sound of the week...final d!)

Rolled up our shorts so we wouldn't get too wet :)

Climbed rocks...

Took our shoes on and off many times :)

(Do you see Cole's lip? He took a hard fall on his bike the day before and was still healing...such a tough boy!)

All with Papa and Grammie!

We praise the Lord for such an amazing family!

One of the boy's favorites...nightly rides on the riding lawnmower with Papa :)

Yes...Cole is driving...everyone get inside!

Goodbye, Auntie Erin!

Our Auntie Erin is moving to Arizona this weekend to pursue her Masters in Speech and Language Pathology over the next two years at Northern Arizona University...we're so excited to see her pursue God's call on her life that she felt more firmly after Cole was diagnosed profoundly deaf. What a gift she will be to her profession to those who will speak more clearly and have a better command of language because of their time under her care!

What a blessing this summer has been so far...

There are many questions yet to be answered regarding our housing and Cole's schooling, but we are confident that in His time, we'll have all the answers we need. In the mean time, we are enjoying the season of refreshment God is giving us after 3 long years away from our dear family. Jesus said not to worry, and we are experiencing the JOY it is to trust the Lord and soak up the moments we have to just BE...with our family by our side. What a gift...

In the mean time...lots of trips to the beach...

...lots of time with our family and lots of opportunities to TRUST in God!

Sounds like the recipe for the kind of summer God knew we needed.

Thank you Lord. We praise for EVERY precious moment!