Well, it's officially been a month since our little girl arrived! This month has flown by and both John and I can't believe that our little girl is almost 5 weeks old! She is doing well despite still having thrush. She has her one-month check up this week, so we'll see what our pediatrician says about it then, but even with this infection in her mouth she is still such a sweet little thing! Her brothers love her...when Cole wakes up, he goes straight into our room where her bed is set up to see if she's there, and then makes a kissing sign until I let him kiss the top of her head :) Ryder sits next to her in the car and during every trip we take says over and over, "Mom...sissy's so cute, Mom! She just stopped crying because I'm here Mom!" He loves her and somehow she's already shown him that she loves him too :)
This month has also been challenging in ways that I can now say I'm am thankful for. After having two wonderful boys, it's easy for me to think that I know what to expect in mothering a newborn...lack of sleep, possible challenges with nursing, the boys adjusting to one more in the house, etc. As I've already said in other posts, I love to be prepared for things...God continues to teach me the value in trusting Him in the moments when surprises arise and I don't have answers, but I love training ahead of time for the "race" instead of jumping on the starting line a few minutes before not knowing where I'm going or how long I'll be running for! Before Ryder was born, John and I took a 12 week long class to prepare us for natural childbirth which I loved! I read books on taking care of our little man and welcomed into the world with a plan :) Plans bring great comfort to me. Even though I got mastitis (breast infection) weeks after Ryder was born, we pressed through the fever, pain and after antibiotics cured the infection, I continued to nurse him for 11 months. Cole had a bit of trouble nursing after having his first bottle weeks after being born but again, we pressed through and he nursed for 10 months. After having these "issues" arise with both boys, I thought I had gone through enough to know how to work through any issues that may arise :)...and then came Cora. 
The Lord has used my sweet-spirited little girl to teach me an incredible lesson in humility. When she turned 3 weeks old, it was becoming more and more painful to nurse her. The pain didn't feel like anything I'd experienced before with the other issues I'd dealt with, so I visited the breast-feeding clinic at out hospital and found that her and I both had thrush. Thrush is an infection that makes it very painful for both her and I during nursing. Thankfully, we had caught it early enough that Cora had not shown any signs of fussiness yet during eating and was still gaining weight well. At 3 weeks she weighed in at 9 pounds, gaining one pound since birth :) We visited the doctor that same day and got the medicine we both needed to rid our self of this infection. As part of the healing process, I was pumping and giving her a bottle. This may sound like no big deal to many of you, but for those of us who have nursed before, we know that it can take time before a newborn nurses successfully with no problems. Eating out of a bottle is much different and can confuse them, making it harder to go back to that natural instinct of nursing. Every time I gave her a bottle I was overwhelmed with a sense of guilt that I should somehow be pushing through the pain to allow her to continue nursing. I tried but the pain was too great. I can honestly say that I was using techniques I'd learned in childbirth class to get through each feeding time...crazy. It felt like the Lord was saying to me..."Let go....Let go of your insistence on doing what you think is best and let me show you another way." So I've been pumping and bottle feeding her for 2 weeks now, and I can honestly say that it's going great. Each time I nursed her, it was taking about 45 minutes each time she needed to eat and now it takes us 10 minutes! 5 minutes to pump and then 5 minutes for her to guzzle the 4-5 ounces! This has given me more time for the boys during the days when John is at school, and has allowed John and even Ryder the chance to be a part of feeding little sis as well. I'm thankful that the Lord's plan has blessed our whole family in this way though it wasn't what I had planned!
I have been blessed from the time I was born, with an incredible support system around me. My parents have always encouraged me to work hard to reach the goals before me and were great examples of those who never quit. Throughout my life, God has placed people around me to encourage me on toward wholeness in Christ. There are times, however, when my gaze shifts from the One who made me, to me alone. It is in those moments when I develop a sense of pride that says, "Look what you can do!" Though this may sound like an healthy view of self worth, it's not. This is the enemy's way of taking what God enabled me to do for His glory, and temping me to believe that I should receive some kind of credit. This is never true. Regardless of how much I give or how hard I try, God has ALWAYS given more of Himself so that I can live. Sure, I can make good decisions, but God gives me wisdom, strength and perseverance to make them. When I am left to myself, I am empty, foolish, and weak. The amazing thing, is that when we feel exactly this way, God says He'll meet us there, and I have to say that the times in my life that I've felt closest to God is in exactly these times....times of falling on my face before the Lord because I've reached the end of my understanding, the same understanding I've worked so hard to gain. Understanding and knowledge in of itself are not wrong. The Lord Himself says He'll give us these things, but if in trying to gain understanding we lose sight of the One who gives it, we are now more lost than when we started.
This is how Paul explained it in 2 Corinthians 12:8-10
Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
I will continue to fill this blog with stories of my weakness so that I have all of you as witnesses of Christ's strength in me...then when the enemy tempts me with pride, I can turn to you to remind me of how worthless I am without the power of Christ in me! In Christ ALL things are possible! I'm so thankful that God shows us a purpose for our sufferings and that HE gives me reason to boast of His goodness, strength and power in my life without which I am nothing.
