I've had this post on my mind for a while now, but this is the first chance I've had in weeks to sit and write it :) John usually has his computer at school until late these days and I rarely get a chance to write at night anymore so I'm thankful for this sweet little moment to sit and chat with you about this phase of life I'm in.
While I was on a walk the other day, The Lord impressed upon me how important it was to "Blog in the Fog"...to stop and process how He is speaking to me in the midst of the "foggy" times of life. The funny part was, this walk I was on at the time was not one of those walks where the peace of God was overwhelmingly obvious in my surroundings...you know the ones...birds chirping, cool breeze blowing, maybe the sun setting in front of you as you saunter down the sidewalk pushing your quiet, sleeping children. No, this was not the journey I was on at the time the Lord told me to stop and listen to His voice. It wasn't the most convenient time to stop and contemplate the deeper things of life, but it was then the Lord told me to stop.
Let me try and paint you a picture of what my walk was really like at the time the Lord spoke. Ryder was racing down the sidewalk on his scooter while was Cole was up ahead on his bike. I was pushing both girls in our double jogging stroller and the boys were doing great until Ryder passed Cole...Cole does NOT like to be passed, so he bursts into tears, puts his head down on his handle bars and stops peddling. At this point, Ryder had already made it to the corner of the sidewalk and is waiting for the rest of us to catch up. Cole doesn't like this either so he continues to scream and cry at the top of his lungs and refuses to peddle his bike. At this point, Rylee is getting hungry and starts to cry as well...she has quite a set of lungs on her, so she definitely added a level of urgency to the already chaotic scene. Ryder then peddles back to join us and I told him it wouldn't be a big deal to let Cole go first and that it didn't really matter who was in front. He then bursts into tears crying, "It's not fair! He rode in front on the way TO the park!" He was right...it wasn't fair, but I realized we may not get home anytime soon unless Cole went first. So now, I have 3 out of 4 kids crying and people are starting to stare at us as I try and and move my crying family down the sidewalk, closer to our house.
I knew we weren't going to get there quickly and smoothly, looking like the model family strolling down the sidewalk for an afternoon stroll. No...those hopes were gone at this point :) Now, all I needed was to get home, and every inch we stepped closer to the house the more thankful I was. It seemed to take forever, but I was no longer looking at my watch caring about what time we arrived, just that we made it.
Isn't this true of us who long for Heaven as well? I used to want to do life perfectly, never taking back-steps, only "right" ones that I thought made God most happy. I've since learned that God doesn't have the same definition of perfection as we do. He cares a lot less about our steps through life looking pretty and organized, and much more about our walk drawing others toward Him along the way...all the while, each step through life brings us closer to HOME :)
As I was walking home with 3 crying children and a 4th sitting watching it all unfold, I certainly drew the gaze of neighbors as we passed by...very slowly :) God has revealed to me over the past 2 years that life is not about hoping and praying for smooth seas all the time, but instead, watching Jesus walk on the waves when the storms rage. I can honestly tell you that at the moment my family decided to unload all their ugliest behavior on our neighborhood for all to see, I felt more like kicking and screaming myself than acting toward them lovingly and patiently in that moment. Only because I've have a LOT of opportunity to practice my patience lately did I feel and exhibit patience that could've only come from the Lord. Instead of panicking as the boat seemed like it was going down, God gave me endurance and strength that came from the knowledge I have that God never leaves and empowers me to LOVE in the face of adversity...and all while the world around me watched :) We endure trials so that others around us can witness where our hope and peace comes from amidst it all...though it's tempting to hide our ugly moments, only wanting people to see us put together, there is no glory for the Lord in that, only ourselves, and I certainly know by now, that nothing in me is worth glorifying above the God who never fails!
I can honestly say, though this moment walking home from the park isn't the only crazy moment I could share with you since Rylee's been born, John and I were talking the other night about how much we love having all 4 kids God has entrusted us with. The way they play together, teach each other, learn from one another, support each other and love each other is priceless to watch. Through being their parents we have learned more from the Lord and been able to apply the teaching of Jesus in such tangible ways. We get less sleep and time to "do our own thing" than ever before, but wouldn't trade it for anything in the world because of how close they have drawn us to Jesus.
When life is hard and we feel like we're in fog...everything seems to feel like a blur and clear thinking comes in spurts rather than something we can count on consistently throughout the day...we need to draw near to Jesus. Our heart seems to hear from the Lord more clearly when our eyes are blurred by the circumstances around us. We need Him more desperately and can't help but long for the only One who remains constant, true, faithful and unchanging as our world around us is rocked.
We are starting to come out of the fog now...getting longer stretches of sleep at night and finding our routine as a family of 6. It would be very easy for me now to start relying on my own strength as I feel it start to return. There is nothing more dangerous for me and my family than for me to start believing, "I am strong enough to do this on my own!" It's posts like this one that I feel called to write while I'm IN the fog so there is no mistaking where my strength comes from, even when the skies begin to clear. I can look back and remember how His strength really is made perfect in my weakness.
Thank you Lord, for foggy days...days when trials are impossible to ignore because it is also impossible to survive them without YOU on the forefront of our heart and mind. You fill our empty hearts and make straight our crooked thoughts when we are in too deep to find a way out of the fog on our own. As the fog clears and circumstances around us change, may we continue to fix our gaze on YOU...the One who gives us all that we need and does WAY more than anything we even know to ask for or could imagine needing. It is YOU I long for, Lord. I pray that the way we live our life exposes our need for YOU and reflects how You exceedingly and abundantly meet our needs! Without being reminded of our weakness, we would not have an opportunity to boast about YOUR strength. Thank you for these times when it seems the walls of our world could crash down at any moment...it is then when we remember our strength wasn't holding them up to begin with. Not only do you promise to sustain us, but in ways that go beyond our wildest dreams, if we trust you with all we have :) As for me and my house...we TRUST the Lord!
Oh Danice, how precious it is to read this entry! I look forward to the book that is written one day with my friend Danice Burdett as the author. God has given you a gift for writing, a sea of material to write and a heart that longs for the world to know the God you trust and love. I enjoyed your blog in the fog day because we all have em' and it is great to point back up to our Daddy & be reminded of how good He is and the growing we get to do through them! Love you! Kirstin
Danice,
Thank you for the beautiful devotional..... thank you for being transparent and real... thank you for reminding us how to look through our foggy days to our Saviour.
Love you so much! XOXOX
Danice, Thank you for sharing the thoughts God puts on your heart. Kirstin is correct -someday the book you write will be a dogged eared, best seller. Sharing daily joys and struggles all through the eyes of how our father God helps us along the way. This is Kirstin's mom, Molly. I love reading your faithful entries and catching up on Jay and Kirstin's Burdett family. I will need permission to use your fog entry as a devotion for my next children's ministry meeting. Joy, blessings and love to each of you!Molly
Dying to Self... Parenting is an especially helpful laboratory for learning to die to self. Our competency is our greatest liability to growing in Christ. He is faithful! Remember to laugh...crazy days like this one unify all moms! :) Mama Burdett
Your authenticity is refreshing...thinking of renaming my blog site to blog in the fog :) the themes of life right now. Miss you friend. Think of you all the time. Thanks for turning my eyes upward today.