Our Inspired Journey

Like most little girls, I grew up with the dream of one day becoming a wife and a mother. I am now 32 years old; and although neither of these dreams have been fulfilled, they also have not changed. Being an “expert” in singleness, and then writing about it, is definitely not something I desired or aimed to excel in. Nonetheless, singleness is part of my journey. There are disappointments, lessons I continue to learn as well as certain freedoms I recognize now that accompany my life. I want to speak to them, in the hopes that others on similar paths might find encouragement, perspective and hope.

Let me start by saying that it is okay to want to be married. I do not know who started this ridiculous notion that once we give up the desire to have a husband (or wife) that we will then get one. So, we go around pretending like we don’t have these dreams and desires. We feel shame and guilt, because we really do want to be married and to have a family. This desire doesn’t make us pathetic. It makes us human. It was very freeing for me when I heard a pastor, Matt Chandler, say it like this: “Ladies, if you’re single, there is nothing wrong, sinful or wicked about desiring a husband. Anyone who would say otherwise is absolutely lying to you. God wired you for it; He built you for it. Now listen, I do think you need to be content with where you are today. But listen, I’m content with what Christ is doing today in me, but I don’t want to be who I am today. I’m hoping for Christ to complete what He began. It’s okay; it’s alright. It’s okay to want a wife. It’s okay to want a husband. Those things are good things. They’re really good things.”

So, what do we do when these desires of our hearts remain unfulfilled; because what we do with the desire, and who we take it to, does reveal our trust, or lack of, in the God who can fulfill our needs. It is not different than the stories we read in the Bible. Both Sarah (Genesis 16) and Hannah (1 Samuel 1) were barren women who desperately wanted children. They lived in cultures where their entire worth came from their roles as wives and mothers.

Sarah assumed, and with good reason, that her chance for giving birth to a child of her own was over; and she chose to settle for what seemed to be her only option, a child from another mother. The
problem with Sarah’s perspective was that it was limited to what she could see. She was leaning upon her own understanding to guide her rather than looking to God and waiting for Him to fulfill what He had promised.

Hannah had the same problem, the same desire. The Bible says: “In bitterness of soul, she prayed to the Lord and wept in anguish.” She took her disappointments and surrendered them to God and asked Him to do what only He could do.

I once heard hope defined as a process of waiting and aching. And whenever hope involves issues of our hearts, like Sarah and Hannah, we have this choice: to take control of the situation from our limited understanding or to surrender it to God. For me, at different points in my journey, I have chosen both ways, sometimes on the same day.

One of the temptations that comes along with growing older and remaining single is the option to settle. This can take different forms, but I want to challenge, especially single women, not to make compromises in order to get what it is that you think you want. It is a dangerous trade-off that has the potential to leave you more lonely and disappointed, even within relationship, than you thought possible.
We must learn to listen to God’s voice about who He says that we are. In a world that tells us that our identity and worth are dependent on appearance, what we possess, success in career or our marital status, we need to hear the Voice of truth. We are children of God, made in His image, for His glory. He cares about the details of our lives but is not required to give us what we want, when we want it. In many instances, that would not be loving of Him. By God’s grace, I no longer listen to the lie that says that I am not married because there is something wrong with me or that no one would want me. I pray that one day God will allow me the gift of becoming a wife and mother; but whether that ever comes, I am learning to trust His love for me and to know that He has not withheld good from me.

I want to encourage you to follow God wherever He leads, even if the journey looks different than you had expected or dreamed. In 2004, after a series of short trips to East Africa, I sensed God leading me to move to a rural village in Kenya where AIDS was stealing so much life. There was this burden stirring with me that people should not die alone. For nearly eight years, I have walked the dirt paths of this land. I have held orphans and cried with widows. I have encountered the goodness of God in the midst of much suffering and pain. In indescribable ways, I have experienced God’s faithfulness in my life; and I trust that, if and when He wants to bring a man into my life, I will be where I am supposed to be and ready to receive him. But if I remain single, I will still choose to follow.
Finally, I want to close by sharing these words from Proverbs 3:5-6. Throughout my life, my mom has spoken these words over me...
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.

My sisters, may we choose to walk in this trust. I pray that the deepest desires of your heart, as God knows best, will be satisfied.

Juli, along with 25 full-time and 15-part time staff, provide dignity and quality of life to people in Kenya affected by HIV/AIDS and other life threatening illnesses, through a ministry God called her to start...Living Room International Ministries.  I hope you'll visit the online home of this beautiful ministry, read Juli's blog, and allow God to stir your heart for those he calls all of us to love.  Do visit today.  You'll be so glad you did...



How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him who brings good news, who publishes peace, who brings good news of happiness, who publishes salvation, who says to Zion, “Your God reigns.”
Isaiah 52:7