October 31st, 2012 was a transformational day for me...
The boys wanted to be animals from books they were reading, so Ryder chose Aslan (The Chronicles of Narnia) and Cole chose a Hungry Tiger (My Father's Dragon). Cora was tickled pink that she got to wear one of her princess dresses (from Christmas gifts) OUTside of the house, and Rylee was equally delighted to be the ladybug that sister was last year.
And so it was.
Hours later on a Sunday afternoon, we had shopped for the supplies that the boys paid for from their piggy banks and we were slowly transforming two shirts, hats and pieces of fabric into a lion and tiger.
They were thrilled...I was tired but so, so thankful for my sweet boys and their simple choices that they truly were excited about!!!
One of the most meaningful things that happened on Halloween this year, happened where I least expected to be overwhelmed by God. It all happened here...at Cora's preschool parade and performance...
Watching her soft little hand raise to greet me...
Seeing her glance at me between lines of her song...
Noticing the way her little lips broke into a smile every time she came near...
And then as I was leaving, she came near to me...sidled up real close, as if to show everyone that she was mine. I bent down to meet her gaze, and told her I was proud of her. So proud of the way she walked and sang with such grace and courage.
This is the girl who I've struggled to understand lately. One who I've prayed for insight about from the One who knit her together...her shifty moods and lack of concern for obedience has slowly worn me down to place I never felt I've been with a child of mine. At the end of myself...
In my prayers, I heard Him say..."She's a girl. MY girl. Just like you were at her age. You two are more alike than you realize."
We had a breakthrough that day. Her and I. My eyes well up with tears as I say it, but I truly felt connected to the sweet little life standing beside me, in a brand new way. There was a sense of belonging that I hadn't stopped for a while rest in.
Then He whispered these words with all the grace in the world...
"She needs space for just you two...she needs your time...your eyes, ears and heart just for her...to know you delight in her."
And then it dawned on me...our relationship should model the one I have with Jesus.
That was all she valued in that moment. I was there, just for her, delighting in this moment that belonged to no other child in our family but her. I love sharing moments together as a family, but on this day, the Lord knew just what we needed, and this was it.
A 15 minute little preschool parade and song helped me see my daughter with new eyes.
Sometimes as a mother of many, its easy to focus on moving the whole ship and loose sight of the sweet little spirits that make up each part. On this day, I only had eyes for Cora...and something in my heart softened for my daughter all over again.
Memories of tantrums and tempers faded and I just saw my little girl.
What a gift. Thank you Jesus...
As I left her school to let her play a bit more before picking her up, I lingered a moment longer just to watch her with her peers...
Hearing her confidently speak amidst a group of very quiet friends at her party...
A little leader in the making...
The rest of the day, I was mindful...
I didn't just see my family as a whole unit that I needed to get from place to place, but instead God opened my eyes up to the individual hearts that I've been given to raise.
They love their friends...
The girls...
The boys...
We even visited my old college freshman dorm...
But in the end...I'm left thankful for every pair of eyes, button nose, beating heart and maturing soul that I'm called to nurture as a mother...
What a gift. each. one. is...
I can only love because He first loved me. And oh, how He does.
Now, that's grace. Because of HIM, I love my Cora Grace a little more like her Jesus does.
There's nothing more I could ask for, as a mother...nothing more powerful in the world, than to get a glimpse of how He loves...and to feel even just an bit of the same for the ones He's given me.
Thank you, thank you, Jesus! 27 years into my walk with you, you are still changing and molding me into your likeness. For the sake of my husband and children, I thank you. Oh to love like you love...
Oh my, that was so beautiful Danice.
Yes, Cora IS so much like you. When I see her little face, I am reminded of YOU has a little girl. Praise the Lord that He is guiding and directing you as a mother. She is blessed indeed, to have you for her mommy.
XOXOX
I hope Cora reads this post when she is older. :-) The picture you captured of her leading her little friends at the table is right on...this is her regular M.O. in Sunday School and at Awana. Her peers ( and teachers) adore her. Isn't it an amazing privilege to watch their God given gifts take shape? Definitely one of my most favorite parts of parenting.