I've had a homeschooling blog brewing for a while and this isn't it. The one in my mind is full of pictures and stories of our experiences for anyone out there thinking about jumping on this crazy roller coaster ride of home-educating, but that one will have to wait. It will come...just not just yet.
Instead, I'm sitting on what I feel like is my homeschooling New Years Eve. Tomorrow we begin our 2nd semester of homeschooling and I before I print out all kinds of goodness for my budding Kindergartner, I had to stop, pause and reflect on who God has called me to be for my kids, my family and anyone else He brings our way...
Math, Science, Writing, Language Arts, Reading, even Bible, Spanish, Piano and Art all have a place in my Daily Planner for my kids each day. We have a rhythm to our days (mostly to keep ME on track) and each subject has its place...but sometimes in all that well-intented planning, I forget about the greatest gift I can give my children that is far from any page or planner.
Sitting in my chair, I'm breathing in deep the responsibility I've been entrusted with once again to give them what no book apart from the Bible ever could...It's one I don't take lightly for a second, but somewhere in the middle of a busy day, it gets lost. Between the laundry, and crying 2 year old, I miss my highest calling in my role to my kids. It gets shuffled around in my humanness, and somewhere between my head and my heart, I miss the point completely. I start to panic at the imperfection of it all...all these little bodies trying to grow up and work out their individuality in the middle of my rhythm of patterns, rules and structure and sometimes, or more than sometimes...it just. isn't. that. pretty.
Growing up is messy, and I'm reminded tonight that it's okay to be messy.
Even this recovering perfectionist knows that a lot of good sometimes comes from messy moments. In fact it's in the middle of my messiest moments, that I can most certainly say I've seen the redemptive, transformative and shaping hand of God work most magnificently. And He IS magnificent, isn't He? What an honor to BE His stage.
And so I pause. I have good intentions for tomorrow. But more than all of that, my kids need ME. Not just plain ole' me. I know me too well to say that with a straight face. My kids need a ME who is fully enamored and completely captivated by a God who loves them and has some pretty incredible plans already thought up for those sweet, messy little lives of His. And most of it (if not all), has nothing more to do with a steady, hand-in-hand walk with the One who made them.
And so I have plans for tomorrow. I've already told them that we'll be building a bird's nest and they're too excited to go back on all that now, but at the forefront of my mind and like a clear plastic sleeve over the plans for my day is a desire...
To be patient...
To be kind...
To not envy...
To not boast...
To not be proud...
To not dishonor...
To not be self-seeking...
To not be easily angered...
To keep no record of wrongs...
To not delight in evil, but rejoice with the TRUTH...
To always trust...
To always hope...
To always persevere...
Because even if I taught my kids all they needed to know to enter even the most prestigious universities in the world but did not have LOVE, I would only be a resounding gong or clanging symbol. And the Lord knows this house can't handle much more noise. :)
To LOVE the Lord my God with all my heart, soul, mind and strength and to love my husband, kids and neighbors as I love myself...that is my highest aim for tomorrow. One that cannot be attempted before getting on my face before God, as He reminds me of who I am...wife, mother, child of the King, equipped by the Holy Spirit to love as He loves.
If tomorrow comes, I'll take joy knowing I've been called for such a time as this...to take each day as a gift and to be thankful that having my kids home with me means that we get to watch life pass by just a little more slowly than it did before. I. am. thankful.
