I'd been fighting a bad head cold all weekend. I guess it was my turn after helping the rest of my family recover the week before. It's hard for a mom to take care of herself sometimes. Life keeps happening all around you. When is there truly time for the rest we need, especially when we are sick?
Saturday night, I went to bed thinking I wouldn't make it to church in the morning. I was feeling pretty bad. I was supposed to serve on the worship team Sunday morning, and share one of my favorite songs with our church. I was singing through it on Saturday night thinking...I'm not sure this is going to work with this cold! Singing + head cold = something you'd rather keep within the walls of your own shower rather than in front of your whole church.
As my head lay on my pillow that night, I was bummed. I rarely get sick these days...why, Lord, did it have to happen now! I was so eager to share this song with those I journey with, but I'd much rather do it when I feel my best...not my worst.
I woke up bright and early Sunday morning feeling SO much better! I certainly wasn't 100%, but definitely well enough to give it a go! I learned something that morning. When the Lord combined words that are true of HIM, with my weakness (a song sung in a key WAY higher than it should have been for how sick I was feeling)...the result is a lot of prayers prayed like this one - Lord, this is all for your glory...sustain me to the extent you desire as I serve you now for your people...draw hearts toward yourself in spite of my weakness. I was less assured of my ability and more aware of His strength, grace, heart for HIS people.
When God draws me to serve outside the parameter of my ability, I find that this is the place where true worship is born. I walk in this thinly veiled place so aware of my own inability that every breath drawn in gets the glory it's due...to be seen as a the grace of God.
This is how I felt standing on that stage this past Sunday. So aware that my voice wasn't built that day for the notes on the page. With eyes closed and a willing heart open...I jumped. Jumped into whatever it was God wanted to do with a heart that is fully committed to Him.
For the eyes of the LORD range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him.
2 Chronicles 16:9
He strengthened me that day. I wasn't without a sour note or two, but the Spirit of the Living God brought me life, and I pray, life to those with me that sunny morning in a small brick church in Southern California....because of HIS grace and for HIS glory. That's my mantra lately. I hope it sticks around for life. I kinda like it....makes everything come into focus and clarity is never something I take for granted!!!
He does that...brings LIFE. That's what He's BEST at. He just asks that we COMMIT fully. What does that look like these days - a fully committed heart? More often I find myself committing only as much as I have to, in order to get by. It reminds me of the days when I was a student and inevitably in every class, someone would ask the question everyone was wondering as the teacher introduced the next assignment...
That may have worked in school, but when it comes to our lives, God asks for everything. If you read the Bible...really READ it...you'll find examples of this all over the place, Old Testament and New.
My friends, Clara and Jeff shared their story yesterday...their's is a story of a redeemed marriage. Redemption didn't come for them on the heels of complacency. Instead it came as they vigorously pursued what it meant to fully humble themselves before each other and God. As their hearts grew more fully committed, they began to experience the strengthening God promises.
As I was singing this song...it struck me. How fully committed Jesus was to us, to me. He didn't hold on to any "rights" as he hung on that shameful cross. He humbled himself, FULLY. He doesn't ask me to take my heart anywhere His hasn't already gone before.
fully a friend
