After writing THIS post on depression, I heard from many of you. Some of you wrote about your own story...Others of you spoke of someone you love who also struggles. Thank you. Thank you for being brave enough to close the gap the enemy tries so hard to create between those of us who feel so alone sometimes in our struggle. I'm deeply grateful for your courage and willingness to share with me. God is good and He spoke to me through your stories.
Something I heard from a few of you was too important to hear once and move on from. Your thoughts surrounded a quote I included from Dr. Martin Seligman of the University of Pennsylvania... "Depression...is caused by conscious negative thoughts. There is no deep underlying disorder to be rooted out: not unresolved childhood conflicts, not our unconscious anger, and not even our brain chemistry. Emotion comes directly from what we think: Think 'I am in danger' and you feel anxiety. Think 'I am being trespassed against' and you feel anger. Think 'Loss' and you feel sadness...if we change these habits of thought, we will cure depression."
I don't believe this applies to everyone...you may have a different story.
There are some of you who have found FREEDOM from clinical depression in the form of medication prescribed to you by a doctor because of a chemical imbalance you suffer with. I want you to know how deeply grateful I am for you that GOD has provided a way out of the darkness.
While still in the booth, I remember having visions of John standing over his crib as he slept, wondering if our sweet son could hear our singing. I always sang to him. Every night. I had convinced myself he was soothed by the sound of my voice....he had to be...every baby was. Then one day, John took a pot and pan into his room, and while Cole slept peacefully in his crib, he tried to do what any mom would tell you is like cardinal sin #1...he tried to wake our sleeping baby. I remember standing outside the door...I couldn't watch. I just listened as John made more noise than all of us could combined right overhead of our sleeping boy. He didn't budge...
As our first hearing test came to an end, I remember our audiologist looking up at me through the window. She stood up, opened the door and asked us to go see an ENT (ear, nose, throat doctor) down the hall to make sure there were no blockages of any kind. I could tell in her eyes that she knew more, though. We both knew. Over the course of several more tests, including one where he was sedated and his brain's response to sound was tested...it was determined that our 13 month old son was profoundly deaf. This meant that Cole couldn't hear anything quieter that the sound of jet engine.
The sight of Cole's devices may turn a few heads, but every conversation struck up at a park because of his "special ears" reminds me that God uses the disabled to show the rest of us a thing or two about His character. I consider them, the main characters of His story! We have a lot to learn from those who live with a disability. The world looks at the outer appearance, but God looks at the heart. I know Cole has given me a reason to write, and have the courage to tell my own story too.
Thanks for sharing your heart, definitely a blessings as always! Crazy how our expectations for our lives & our families can so quickly be altered or even shattered leaving us to wonder what is to come. I remember when my husband Jim was first diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis almost 6 years ago we were in shock, much like you describe your feelings in finding out about Cole's deafness. We both had this huge knot in our stomachs and I remember my head just spinning. I wondered why and then wondered what life would be like especially because we'd just had our first baby - a boy. It felt like this huge weight was on me and I wondered about all the hopes and dreams we had. It all felt so heavy until one of our associate pastors came to visit us and said, "God knew about this and his plan for you Jim has never changed. This condition can't keep you from fulfilling the call of God on your life". Really it was my expectations and aspirations that needed to change, needed to aline with the will of God. An unsubmitted heart to God, not M.S. was the only thing that could disrupt the plan of God for our lives. Since that time we have watched God do amazing things for Jim. You'd never know by looking at him he has the condition although there are changes we've had to make to manage his health. It's amazing how frail our human lives are but what an awesome blessing to be held in God's hand and used in spit of all our brokenness.
I am a person seeking for God, but I cannot find him. I really need him at the moment, everywhere I see is a sign to find God. Lately I've been quite depressed, my dad died at 14yrs and lately I've wanted to hurt myself because I believe it should have been me. Anyway I'm sure I'll get out of this mood soon(I hope)
I hope I find him
Thank you for sharing your struggles...depression can be a very deceptive tool of the enemy to convince you to believe things that just ARE NOT TRUE. It is not a shameful thing to go talk with a doctor about the thoughts you've been having...in fact it is a very brave an courageous thing to do. In these times, I urge to to not remain alone in your thoughts...the ememy wants you to, but God has a greater plan for you! One of hope and healing!!! Call out to Him. He is there for you even now. Moods may change but God never does...He is always what we need. He is present in His Word, in the Holy Spirit who lives in those who trust Jesus with their life, and in the life of His Son, Jesus Christ. Read through the gospel of Luke. What you read about Jesus, you can know is true of God. He promises that we will find Him when we seek Him with all of our heart...do you have anyone in your life you can talk to who knows Jesus? I encourage you to talk to someone else today, friend! There is hope for you today!
Thank you for sharing your story, Christy...I love your perspective. It is so true...there are no surprises with God!!! I praise Him for His perfect plan for your family!!!
That was a very inspiring story indeed. I really appreciate your courage and your determination to give your son a very fruitful life. God is always there to help us with the trials. We just have to keep our faith with him. By the way, those special ears allow you and your son to communicate well. I am sure that God has plans for him.