Our Inspired Journey

The rush of the day suddenly grinds to a halt as I tuck the last little squirming body in bed.  I kiss the last little cheek, brushing back the hair on his forehead, peering down at the squinting eyes he squeezes shut knowing full well, Mommy is still there.

Still hovering, I stop - just for a moment, long enough to utter words I know he can't hear.  Words that unless I believed there was a God out there listening, would vanish into thin air as soon as they left my lips, void of meaning - unheard by human ears.  "Oh, Lord.  Help him to know you are here.  Let him sense your presence even now, in the darkness of his silence....to know in his soul, You are near him."


The prayers of a mother's heart, whispered in the night...for no one else to hear but the One who always hears.  In that moment, nothing else matters.  The noise of the day is put in it's place.  The status of the rest of the world stands still while a mother prays for the will of the God of Heaven to be made real in the life of her son.  A son who was fashioned exactly the way he was intended to be, for the glory of the One who loves him most.  Prayers uttered to the only One who can speak to him now.  To the only Voice he can hear right in the middle of his silence.


And in that moment...when I stroke his head feeling the lump of the implant behind his ears, my spirit grows heavy.  The laughter of the day fades and the ever-present reality seeps back into my world.  It's always there, his deafness...his bionic ears hold it at bay just long enough to walk through our days as if it weren't so. 


So what do we do with reality?  When our true condition is something we'd rather trade in for what we hope it could be?  Do we live in despair?  I don't think anyone ever truly lives in despair.  There is no true life found in a despairing heart.  You can cross days off a calendar while wishing it weren't so, but true abundant life isn't found in this "just-get-by" kind of life.


And abundant life is what we were intended to have...

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly." - Jesus
John 10:10

What the enemy intended to use for Cole's destruction, will end up being GOD's glory.
And THAT will be an abundant life for my Cole.
There is no malformation.  There is only HIS formation in the life of my boy.


When I let the concerns of this earthly life rest in their proper place, everything falls into order as it should.  I'm free to love God with a full heart, one given first to His concerns before those of this world.
I'm free to love my children for who they are, not who I want them to be.
My desires become wrapped up and entangled with the One who created me...who created them.
I feel peace. hope. joy.
The fruit of the Spirit of the Living God is mine.

So as I sit in my room at the end of a whirlwind day...four little bodies breathing rhythmically down the hall as sleep slows their pace for the few darkened hours of the day...I stop.  My sweet boy saunters in the room, looking only for the lap of his mama to rest in.  I hold his four year old little body in mine, resting his head in the fold of my arm as if he were still the newborn boy we brought home on the 4th of July just a few years ago...and he sleeps.

The swirl of it all is summed up in that holy moment, when out of the darkness of the hall, my boy finds me.  And I remember it all...our suspicions...his diagnosis...surgery...recovery...new hearing...endless therapy...and still, four years later, in all of the needs he has and still may have in the days to come...he's simply my boy.

I pause, just long enough to remember who I am in all my inadequacies...
who they are in all of their needs...
and then who HE is in all of His kindness toward us.  
And all of the sudden, right in the middle of it all, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that everything...yes everything will be more than okay.  It will be HIS way.  And that's the only way I really truly want it to be for us all.

It's in that moment I know...that in all I strive for as a Mama to my four...nothing is more powerful and effective as that moment.  The one when I stand over their bed, stroke their hair (implants and all) and pray for the One who holds their days in His hand, to open the Heavens and let HIS kingdom, purpose and glory find a place in however many days we all have left.

Our Father who is in heaven, hallowed be your name...{the name above every other name}
Your kingdom come, your will be done...{have your way}
On earth... {in the lives of my children} as it is in heaven....{as you see best}
Give us today our daily bread...{no more, no less}
And forgive us our debts as we also have forgiven our debtors...{help us love graciously as you love us}
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one...{protect them, Lord, from unnecessary trials, but in the ones that endure, help them find YOU in the midst of the storm}
For yours is the kingdom, the power and the glory forever! {It's all about YOU.}
Amen.